


Wake me up when September ends

by consultingcas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Community: deancasbigbang, DCBB 2015, Depression, Fluff, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Mentions of torture and warfare, Minor Character Death, Minor Ruby/Sam Winchester, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-17
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-05-02 04:09:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5233538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/consultingcas/pseuds/consultingcas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Castiel accidentally texted the wrong number, he didn’t expect the other person to keep texting him back. Something about Dean, though, keeps him talking. As real life becomes ever more complicated for both of them, the pair somehow manage to find solace in each other. Is it possible to fall in love with someone you’ve never met?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this has been a bit of a labor of love for me. I've been wanting to write a Wrong Number fic ever since I first got into fandom and one of the first fics I read was "Your Call Cannot Be Completed as Dialled" (which you should also totally read as it's awesome), so I'm pleased to have got around to it. I hope you like reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> I wouldn't have managed without the help of some awesome people, though, to whom I owe a massive thank you.
> 
> \- My wonderful betas AngelOfTheMoor, queernatural and nahemaraxe for all the inspiration, advice and dealing with my appalling typos. 
> 
> \- Tkodami and MollyC for all the 1k1hr sessions, advice and generally being awesome cheerleaders when this started to stress me out. You're the best.
> 
> \- My wonderful artist cuddle-me-carl who made me properly squeal with excitement at how adorable the art she did for this fic is, not to mention her enthusiasm for this fic which was one of the things that helped me through the epic task of editing this. Go send her loads of love. She deserves it.

Who is texting at any point will be indicated by the font:

_Castiel_

Dean

**Meg**

Sam

 

 

** Thursday, 18th September **

[Thursday, 3:00pm] _I don’t see how talking to you about this will help._

[Thursday, 3:10pm] Huh. I thought you loved all that touchy-feely, self-help crap. What’s bugging you?

[Thursday, 3:15pm] _We’re not having this discussion._

[Thursday, 3:16pm] Like hell we aren’t.

[Thursday, 3:20pm] _Leave me alone, Meg._

[Thursday, 3:35pm] I’m not Meg. Think you got a wrong number here, buddy.

[Thursday, 3:40pm] _Oh. Apologies._

[Thursday, 3:43pm] Don’t sweat it. Let me guess, new phone?

[Thursday, 3:46pm] _No, I’m just technologically inept. Of course I’ve recently obtained a new phone._

[Thursday, 3:47pm] Wow. Snarky too.

[Thursday, 3:52pm] _My “people skills” might be “rusty”, but I’m fairly sure the usual protocol in these situations is to stop texting upon realising your mistake._

[Thursday, 3:55pm] Yeah, but I’m bored and you seem cool, so what the hell?

[Thursday, 3:59pm] _You sound like a very impulsive person._

[Thursday, 4:01pm] Is that a bad thing?

[Thursday, 4:04pm] _Not particularly, but if you’re going to persist in texting me, I might as well make an attempt at figuring you out._

[Thursday, 4:08pm] You’re cool with that, then?

[Thursday, 4:13pm] _It could be entertaining, if nothing else. Not like I’ve got anything better to do._

[Thursday, 4:15pm] Nice to know you think that much of me :P

 

[Thursday, 7:30pm] Batman or Superman?

[Thursday, 7:32pm] _What?_

[Thursday, 7:34pm] My brother and me are having an argument. Who’s better?

[Thursday, 7:37pm] _I’ve never seen movies of either of them, so I’m not the best person to judge._

[Thursday, 7:39pm] Wait, seriously? You live under a rock or something?

[Thursday, 7:42pm] _No, it’s just that I have more profitable ways of spending my time than watching movies._

[Thursday, 7:44pm] You’re really missing out. Those movies are classics!

[Thursday, 7:50pm] _Yes, and also massively over-hyped and scientifically inaccurate. Half of Superman’s powers are impossible by the laws of science, for starters._

[Thursday, 7:51pm] That’s why it’s called fiction, dumbass.

[Thursday, 7:55pm] _Because I don’t have the same taste in fiction as you? I could as easily call you a dumbass for enjoying them._

[Thursday, 7:57pm] Whatever. Your loss.

 

[Thursday, 10:00pm] For the record, Batman’s more awesome.

 

**Friday, 19th September**

[Friday, 1:00pm] You would not believe the day I’m having.

[Friday, 1:05pm] _I see you were serious then, when you expressed your intention to keep contacting me._

[Friday, 1:07pm] Um, yeah? Why wouldn’t I be?

[Friday, 1:10pm] _Because you don’t know me or anything about me?_

[Friday, 1:12pm] Way to be blunt, man. It’s not like you know me either.

[Friday, 1:15pm] _Even so, it’s a valid concern. I can’t help but wonder why you’re continuing this._

[Friday, 1:25pm] I dunno. You just seem like a cool person. Figured it’d be fun to hang out a bit.

[Friday, 1:28pm] _And your ulterior motive is?_

[Friday, 1:34pm] I don’t have one?

[Friday, 1:36pm] _Yes, because that’s so believable._

[Friday, 1:40pm] Looks like I’m just gonna have to prove you wrong, then.

 

**Saturday, 20th September**

[Saturday, 9:00pm] Buddy, if you ever come to Kansas, you have to go to the Roadhouse. Best burgers in the state.

 

[Saturday, 9:30pm] Best pie too.

 

[Saturday, 9:40pm] Got bored of me, huh? Figures.

 

[Saturday, 9:45pm] You know, you were kinda right. I had my reasons for keeping texting you.

 

[Saturday, 9:55pm] Sounded like you were in a rough place. I figured you could use a friend to talk to. Someone who didn’t know you or whatever shit you’re going through, so’re not gonna make you talk about your feelings all the damn time. Stupid, really.

 

[Saturday, 10:00pm] Anyways, have a nice life.

 

[Saturday, 10:05pm] Not like you’d be the first person to run out on me or anything. Everyone always does.

 

**Sunday, 21st September**

[Sunday, 11:00am] _I’m not sure what to do._

[Sunday, 11:02am] **Is this about Gabriel again, Clarence? ‘Cause you know what I’m going to say.**

[Sunday, 11:05am] _Not everything in my life at the moment revolves around Gabriel, Meg._

[Sunday, 11:07am] **Could’ve fooled me.**

[Sunday, 11:10am] _Anyway, this discussion isn’t relevant to the matter at hand. I’ve met someone._

[Sunday, 11:12am] **Aw, little Clarence finally get his angel wings?**

[Sunday, 11:15am] _Not helpful. I accidentally texted him when trying to contact you._

[Sunday, 11:17am] **So? Like it’s the first time you’ve dialled a wrong number.**

[Sunday, 11:19am] _They kept texting back._

[Sunday, 11:22am] **Clarence, you need me to give you the stranger danger lecture again?**

[Sunday, 11:27am] _I thought that too, initially. But they seem different. Their intentions are apparently honest. At least, their messages give that impression._ ((Screenshots of the texts attached))

[Sunday, 11:30am] **Someone’s got a little crush. I’m not gonna be able to stop you talking to them, am I?**

[Sunday, 11:35am] _Stop that. I’m not sure yet. I want more time to make out their character. But all the same, I think they might need this just as much as I do._

[Sunday, 11:39am] **Whoever they are, they’re the first person to get you talking in forever. That’s something, at least. Even if I eventually have to kill them for hurting you.**

 

[Sunday, 1:00pm] _Why is Batman better than Superman?_

Sunday, 1:12pm] Thought you weren’t gonna reply.

[Sunday, 1:15pm] _Sorry for disappointing your expectations. I will endeavour to behave more satisfactorily in future._

[Sunday, 1:16pm] Didn’t mean it like that. Don’t take it the wrong way.

[Sunday, 1:18pm] _That was meant to be a joke._

[Sunday, 1:25pm] No offense, but you make crappy jokes.

[Sunday, 1:26pm] _So I’ve been told._

[Sunday, 1:27pm] I am way too hungover for your snark, pal.

[Sunday, 1:28pm] _Castiel._

[Sunday, 1:30pm] Excuse me?

[Sunday, 1:35pm] _You wanted us to get to know each other. I’m named after the Angel of Thursday, solitude and tears. It’s about time we were formally introduced._

[Sunday, 1:38pm] Sounds like a cheery guy. I’m Dean, btw.

[Sunday, 1:40pm] Not that I’m complaining or anything, but what changed your mind?

[Sunday, 1:43pm] _Just some new information. Read your old texts._

[Sunday, 1:50pm] Aw, crap. Sorry, man. I get all chick-flicky when I’m wasted.

[Sunday, 1:53pm] _No apology needed. After all, at least I know now that you meant well._

[Sunday, 1:56pm] Not gonna lie, still kinda makes me feel like a creeper, though.

[Sunday, 1:58pm] _You kept texting me to ensure that I was alright and had someone to talk to. It’s not like I gave you much incentive to continue. However misguided and “creepy”, I think that’s rather admirable, Dean._

[Sunday, 2:03pm] Oh. Um, thanks.

 

**Monday 22nd September**

[Monday, 1:26pm] _You remind me of my brother a little._

[Monday, 1:27pm] Um, is that a good thing?

[Monday, 1:30pm] _It’s probably better than comparing you to Meg._

[Monday, 1:31pm] That’s the chick you thought you were texting at first, right?

[Monday, 1:32pm] _Yes._

[Monday, 1:33pm] Should I be offended that you thought I was her?

[Monday, 1:36pm] _That depends. How do you feel about being compared to a kleptomaniac social justice activist?_

[Monday, 1:37pm] Could be worse. What’s your brother like?

[Monday, 1:39pm] _Gabriel? An incorruptible prankster obsessed with candy._

[Monday, 1:42pm] Heh. Yeah, I can see why you’d think I’m like him. Just ask my kid brother about the time I put Nair in his shampoo sometime and you’ll know how true that is.

[Monday, 1:44pm] _You didn’t._

[Monday, 1:45pm] He was pissing me off!

[Monday, 1:48pm] _Speaking as a younger brother who’s been subjected to those sorts of pranks, I can definitely say that that is no excuse._

[Monday, 1:49pm] We only do it cos we care :P

[Monday, 1:51pm] _Forgive me if I don’t believe you._

[Monday, 1:52pm] Funny really. I thought you were Sammy, when you first texted me.

[Monday, 1:53pm] _Why?_

[Monday, 1:54pm] You guys kinda talk the same. Too many long words for a dumb hick like me :P He’s real smart. Works as a lawyer in some fancy firm over in San Francisco.

[Monday, 1:56pm] _I’m impressed. You must be very proud._

[Monday, 1:57pm] Yeah, I am. So, what do you do?

[Monday, 1:58pm] _That’s classified._

[Monday, 1:59pm] Haha, very funny.

[Monday, 2:02pm] _No, seriously. I’m in the military._

[Monday, 2:07pm] _Dean? Did I say something wrong?_

[Monday, 2:10pm] My lunch break’s over. Talk tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Tuesday, 23rd September**

[Tuesday, 12:40pm] So. Favourite movie?

[Tuesday, 12:45pm] _I tend to like arthouse films. Probably not to your taste, if I’ve judged you correctly._

[Tuesday, 12:47pm] Hey, c’mon! I’m not an idiot. Must’ve heard of some of them.

[Tuesday, 12:53pm] _Well, I recently watched “Malcolm X” and enjoyed it immensely. “Calvary” is an excellent film as well._

[Tuesday, 12:55pm] Okay, you’re right. I haven’t heard of those. How’d you even get into that stuff anyways?

[Tuesday, 1:00pm] _My elder sister. She had to press-gang someone into going to the cinema with her and I was her most willing victim. You can at least console yourself with the thought that I am still unlikely to have watched your favourite movie._

[Tuesday, 1:02pm] Nah. Everyone’s watched at least one Eastwood movie.

[Tuesday, 1:03pm] _Eastwood?_

[Tuesday, 1:05pm] They’re classics, smartass. Don’t think I can’t hear your snark over text.

[Tuesday, 1:09pm] _I’ve never watched any of his films, so I will try to avoid condemning them too readily._

[Tuesday, 1:12pm] They’re awesome. You need to watch them, seriously.

[Tuesday, 1:15pm] _I’ve not seen many popular movies._

[Tuesday, 1:17pm] I’ll soon change that. I love all the classics.

[Tuesday, 1:18pm] _Oh joy._

[Tuesday, 1:20pm] Patience you must have, my young padawan.

[Tuesday, 1:21pm] _Excuse me?_

[Tuesday, 1:24pm] Oh man. You haven’t seen Star Wars?! I mean, I shouldn’t be surprised, but still.

[Tuesday, 1:26pm] _Is that the one with Spock in it?_

[Tuesday, 1:28pm] Okay, so ignoring the fact you just committed blasphemy, you need to watch those movies. Not the prequels, but yeah.

[Tuesday, 1:30pm] _Duly noted._

[Tuesday, 1:31pm] Seriously, dude. They’re classics. You’ve gotta have watched at least one of the greats.

[Tuesday, 1:34pm] _I did watch Band of Brothers once?_

[Tuesday, 1:37pm] Doesn’t count. You said you’re in the military so that’s kinda required viewing.

[Tuesday, 1:40pm] _It was good television too._

[Tuesday, 1:43pm] Yeah, yeah. Doesn’t mean you get a pass on missing any of the other good stuff. You still need to watch Star Wars.

[Tuesday, 1:46pm] _Give me one good reason._

[Tuesday, 1:48pm] They’re just good, okay? Even Sammy likes them, and he’s a movie snob.

[Tuesday, 1:50pm] _I’ll consider it, then._

[Tuesday, 1:52pm] You’d better do.

  


[Tuesday, 8pm] You’ve been quiet lately.

[Tuesday, 8:01pm] Really?

[Tuesday, 8:03pm] Yeah, you’re usually checking up on me all the time. What happened?

[Tuesday, 8:04pm] Just been busy this weekend.

[Tuesday, 8:05pm] Heh, yeah, I bet.

[Tuesday, 8:06pm] Hey! Being busy doesn’t mean that I was with someone.

[Tuesday, 8:07pm] With you? Yeah, it does.

[Tuesday, 8:10pm] Okay, maybe I did meet someone. But it’s not like that.

[Tuesday, 8:12pm] Yeah, right. What’s her name?

[Tuesday, 8:13pm] His name’s Cas.

[Tuesday, 8:15pm] He’s a guy then? Huh.

[Tuesday, 8:17pm] Don’t give me that crap.

[Tuesday, 8:20pm] C’mon, Dean. I’m not Dad. You know I’m cool with it.

[Tuesday, 8:25pm] Yeah, but I don’t need you going all chick-flick on me either. Anyways, you holding up okay, Sammy?

[Tuesday, 8:28pm] Suppose so.

[Tuesday, 8:30pm] That bitch keeping her distance?

[Tuesday, 8:33pm] I can look after myself, Dean, seriously. No need to be paranoid.

[Tuesday, 8:35pm] Yeah, and look what happened last time I wasn’t. Answer the damn question, Sam.

[Tuesday, 8:40pm] She showed up at my place last night.

[Tuesday, 8:41pm] Son of a bitch.

[Tuesday, 8:44pm] I handled it, Dean. I’m not a kid anymore. Stop treating me like one.

[Tuesday, 8:45pm] Yeah, right.

[Tuesday, 8:47pm] I’m not talking to you about this.

 

[Tuesday, 9pm] Ugh.

[Tuesday, 9:03pm] _Rough day?_

[Tuesday, 9:04pm] Yeah, kinda. Things okay with you?

[Tuesday, 9:07pm] _They’re not so bad. One thing I never predicted when I joined up was the sheer boredom. Waiting to be deployed is somewhat tedious. Enforced leave is worse._

[Tuesday, 9:09pm] Tell me about it. My dad was a Marine so I know a bit about the life. Man, he’d get so grumpy when he was home on leave. Wanted to be back out there with his division.

[Tuesday, 9:11pm] _I know the feeling. You never considered the military?_

[Tuesday, 9:13pm] Nah, not cut out for it.

[Tuesday, 9:15pm] _Not everyone is._

[Tuesday, 9:16pm] How’d you get into it?

[Tuesday, 9:20pm] _I was born to it, I suppose. Most of my family are in the military in some capacity._

[Tuesday, 9:21pm] Seriously?

[Tuesday, 9:22pm] _Seriously._

[Tuesday, 9:24pm] Guess you kinda got stuck with it then, huh?

[Tuesday, 9:28pm] _That’s one way of looking at it. My parents were very proud when I joined up._

[Tuesday, 9:30pm] Lucky you. Would you’ve still done it? If you’d had more of a choice.

[Tuesday, 9:33pm] _I suppose so. I’ve never really taken the time to think about it. What is it you do, Dean?_

[Tuesday, 9:34pm] I’m a mechanic.

[Tuesday, 9:36pm] _Impressive._

[Tuesday, 9:38pm] Yeah, right. Pays the bills, though, so I can’t complain.

[Tuesday, 9:43pm] _No, seriously. I’ll be sure to remember that, next time my car breaks down. I have to get what free mechanical advice I can, especially as I don’t know the first thing about fixing cars :P Anyone who can has my admiration._

[Tuesday, 9:45pm] Yeah, well, good luck with persuading me to fly down to Cali. That’s where you’re from, right?

[Tuesday, 9:47pm] _And emoticons? Dude, seriously? Wouldn’t have thought you were the type._

[Tuesday, 9:48pm] They’re very expressive.

[Tuesday, 9:55pm] _Yes, I’m on an extended stay over in San Francisco at the moment with some friends. I got injured badly on my last tour so I get to enjoy some sick leave. More like a holiday, really. I’m virtually recovered._

[Tuesday, 9:58pm] You like it there? Sam loves the city. Can’t get him to shut up about all the weird hipster places he likes going to. Seriously, if he sends me one more picture of some frappuchino abomination, I’m gonna throw up.

[Tuesday, 10:02pm] _It certainly is beautiful. I can escape to the beach whenever I want some quiet and my friend’s apartment isn’t too far from the Castro Theatre so there’s plenty to do._

[Tuesday, 10:04pm] Castro District, huh? Sam took me there last time I visited. Seemed nice.

[Tuesday, 10:06pm] _It is. If I didn’t have to live on the base when I’m on duty, I would be tempted to move there. Hannah likes it there a lot too. San Francisco is a beautiful city. I think I’d enjoy having this as a permanent home._

[Tuesday, 10:09pm] Hannah?

[Tuesday, 10:12pm] _My roommate. We’ve known each other since high school so they tolerate my camping out in their spare room._

[Tuesday, 10:16pm] Who knows, one day, you might be able to. Ditch the whole military thing, go live your life.

[Tuesday, 10:20pm] _Perhaps. You mentioned you were from Kansas before, if I remember rightly? I know you have the same area code as Meg so you have to be fairly close to where she lives._

[Tuesday, 10:30pm] Yeah. Lawrence. It’s not so bad.

[Tuesday, 10:34pm] _Of course. Meg’s currently studying at KU. She says it’s fairly dull, but she always did prefer the big city life._

[Tuesday, 10:37pm] Yeah, well, she’s kinda right. There’s not that much here. Just some small college town in the middle of Bumfuck, Nowhere.

[Tuesday, 10:39pm] _You would prefer to live in a bigger city?_

[Tuesday, 10:43pm] Nah. If I had my way, I’d be on the road. Seeing the country, doing something more exciting than fixing up rusted old cars.

[Tuesday, 10:44pm] _Sounds wonderful._

[Tuesday, 10:46pm] You can’t talk. You get to travel with your job. Make a difference, you know?

[Tuesday, 10:48pm] _You make it sound so glamorous._

[Tuesday, 10:54pm] Face it, man, it kinda is. I mean, the whole rules and regulations bullshit pisses me off. I’m not letting some douchebag tell me what to do when I know it’s crap just cos he’s got a few more strips on his uniform than me. But you get to be out there saving people. I know not everyone’s great. But that’s all the more reason for people like you to get out there. Seems like a good job to me.

[Tuesday, 10:59pm] _Dean. Please don’t take offence. But did you honestly never try out for the military? I merely ask as sometimes, it seems like you understand what it’s like for me, serving in the forces._

[Tuesday, 11:15pm] Goodnight, Cas. Talk at lunch tomorrow, right? Same as usual.

[Tuesday, 11:20pm] _Goodnight, Dean._

 

**Wednesday, 24th September**

[Wednesday, 10:00am] Ugh, just had another jerk in who thinks he knows shit about cars, but doesn’t. Trying to tell me how to do my freaking job. Some people don’t deserve good cars. Lawyer stuff going better for you though, right?

[Wednesday, 10:30am] Bobby says hey, btw.

[Wednesday, 10:45am] So you’re ignoring me now. Classy move, Sam.

 

[Wednesday, 12:30pm] You ready for our lunch date?

[Wednesday, 12:33pm] _But of course. We had an appointment._

[Wednesday, 12:35pm] Shit, I didn’t mean it like that.

[Wednesday, 12:36pm] Never mind.

[Wednesday, 12:37pm] Just ignore me.

[Wednesday, 12:38pm] _How are you?_

[Wednesday, 12:40] I’m fine. Just peachy.

[Wednesday, 12:42pm] _I’m glad to hear it._

[Wednesday, 12:48pm] No, that’s a lie. Things kinda suck at the minute.

[Wednesday, 12:52pm] _Would it be presumptuous of me to ask if I could help in any way?_

[Wednesday, 12:54pm] Nah, it’s fine. I trust you.

[Wednesday, 1pm] _Thank you. That means a lot to me._

[Wednesday, 1:02pm] Just give me a moment. Trying to think of how to tell you.

[Wednesday, 1:04pm] Hey, um, can I call you later? Bobby’s gonna bust my ass if I don’t get back to work. Besides, it’ll be easier to explain over the phone.

[Wednesday, 1:30pm] _But of course. I’ll speak to you then._

 

[Wednesday, 1:32pm] _Oh God._

[Wednesday, 1:34pm] **What is it now, Clarence?**

[Wednesday, 1:36pm] _Dean wants to call me._

[Wednesday, 1:38pm] **What, you mean Creepy Phone Dude? Why’re you stressing about this?**

[Wednesday, 1:42pm] _What if he doesn’t like me? We’ve been talking by text, I know but talking over the phone is different. He could hate my voice or not understand when I’m being sarcastic in the same way. There’s just so much that could go wrong._

[Wednesday, 1:44pm] _Sorry. Just ignore me. I’m panicking._

[Wednesday, 1:45pm] **Huh.**

[Wednesday, 1:46pm] _What?_

[Wednesday, 1:48pm] **Hannah’s told me all about that dopey look you get when he texts you, Clarence. You can’t hide your feelings from me.**

[Wednesday, 1:50pm] _You must secretly be a demon. You enjoy tormenting me too much to be fully human._

[Wednesday, 1:52pm] **That’s why you love me.**

[Wednesday, 1:58pm] _Do you think it’ll be okay?_

[Wednesday, 2:00pm] **You and your little boyfriend? He’s been texting you for long enough. He’s gotta find you interesting somehow.**

[Wednesday, 2:04pm] _Don’t call him that. But thanks. I think._

 

[Wednesday, 7:30pm]

*Incoming call*

“Um, heya, Cas…”

_“Hello, Dean.”_

“Wow. Your voice is deeper than I expected.”

_“So I’ve been told. You wanted to talk?”_

“Yeah...Sorry, I’m not sure how to talk about this.”

_“Take your time. I’m listening.”_

“It’s my brother. He kinda...got in with a bad crowd a while back. One of the partners at his law firm and him got along well, but the guy turned out to be an asshole. For a lawyer, he was into some seriously messed up shit. Introduced Sam to some bad habits, too. He ended up dating one of the crowd the douchebag hung out with. Some skank called Ruby. Took some doing, but I finally knocked some sense in him, and he ditched those jerks.”

_“And you’re concerned he’s gone back to being friends with them, I presume? If you’re worried about him, I mean.”_

“It’s stupid. I’m probably just stressing over nothing. But his ex came round the other night. And when I tried to talk to him about it, he just got pissed. She’s bad news, believe me, Cas. If he’s seeing her again...”

_“You’re afraid about what might happen next.”_

“Yeah. Exactly.”

_“You’re not going to like my answer, but I think you need to give him some space.”_

“What?”

_“From how you’ve described him, Sam sounds like an intelligent individual. He has to know what a dangerous position he’s placing himself in. Pressuring him into talking to you is not going to help matters. Let him know that you’re there for him and he’s more likely to initiate something. Especially if he’s been hurt by ignoring your advice before. He has his pride to consider.”_

“Huh. That makes sense. But I don’t know if I can do that.”

_“Trust me. Please. Let him know that you trust him to talk to you or someone else if things get bad again. If your relationship is anything like mine and my brother’s, forcing him to talk will merely make Sam more angry and less inclined to listen to you.”_

“Alright...I’ll give it a try. Speaking from personal experience, huh?”

_“That’s one way of putting it, yes.”_

“Sorry. That sucks.”

_“It’s not your fault. No one can be blamed for my stupidity but me.”_

“You fixed it though, right?”

_“...”_

“Anyways, you know you can come to me if you wanna talk through stuff.”

_“Yes, of course.”_

“I’m gonna make sure you take me up on that offer one day.”

_“Perhaps I will, sometime. I would talk longer, but Hannah is wanting to speak with me. Goodbye, Dean.”_

“Talk later, Cas.”

*Call disconnected*

 

[Wednesday, 8:30pm] Just so you know, I’m not gonna nag you anymore so you can quit ignoring me.

[Wednesday, 8:34pm] I wasn’t ignoring you.

[Wednesday, 8:36pm] Yeah, right.

[Wednesday, 8:38pm] I don’t want to fight, Dean.

[Wednesday, 8:42pm] Me neither. Look, all I’m saying is I’m here if you need to talk, okay? You don’t want to, I’m not gonna make you.

[Wednesday, 8:44pm] Yeah, since when has that ever worked out for us?

[Wednesday, 8:47pm] Not gonna lie, it pisses me off, but I’d rather you didn’t shut me out again. A friend told me you might listen, if I backed off.

[Wednesday, 8:49pm] Nice to see you’ve found someone who gives good advice.

[Wednesday, 8:51pm] Yeah, he does. Look, just talk to someone, okay? Doesn’t have to be me. That’s one of the things you’re supposed to do, right?

[Wednesday, 9:00pm] Yeah, it is. You don’t have to worry, Dean. I’m meeting someone in the next few days, the support group’s going well and stuff’s gonna get better, I know it. Just ‘cause Ruby dropped by, that doesn’t mean I’m gonna be an idiot. I told her to get lost and if she comes round again, I’ll make her leave.

[Wednesday, 9:05pm] It’s not about you being an idiot.

[Wednesday, 9:07pm] Then what? I’m not strong enough or something?

[Wednesday, 9:10pm] We’ll talk later, okay? Like you said, I don’t wanna fight.

[Wednesday, 9:15pm] Yeah, talk later.

 

[Wednesday, 9:17pm] Thanks.

  
[Wednesday, 9:20pm] _Don’t mention it._


	3. Chapter 3

**Friday, 26th September**

[Friday, 12:00pm] _You mentioned your brother, when we last talked. Do you have any other family?_

[Friday, 12:02pm] Wow. Someone’s being nosy.

[Friday, 12:05pm] _Apologies. I shouldn’t have been so intrusive._

[Friday, 12:16pm] Hey, man, relax. I was only kidding. I just don’t talk about them much.

[Friday, 12:18pm] _Even so, I should have known better._

[Friday, 12:27pm] Relax, man. It’s okay. There’s just me and Sammy left now.

[Friday, 12:30pm] _I’m sorry._

[Friday, 12:33pm] Don’t need your pity.

[Friday, 12:36pm] _I know you don’t. But I am sorry. I know what it’s like to lose someone you care about._

[Friday, 12:42pm] Thanks, Cas.

[Friday, 12:44pm] _Don’t mention it._

[Friday, 12:47pm] So, um, how about your family?

[Friday, 12:55pm] _There’s a lot of us, for starters, I suppose. The family name is somewhat well-known in the army. I suspect even a civilian like you will have heard of it. We’re the army version of the Kennedys. From my childhood, there was only the one path set out for me._

[Friday, 12:57pm] Way to feel appreciated, Cas.

[Friday, 1:00pm] _I didn’t mean it like that. Merely to say that my family aren’t exactly...normal, for want of a better word._

[Friday, 1:02pm] Is anyone’s?

[Friday, 1:04pm] _Fair enough. My father is a General and my mother used to be one of his advisors on strategy. My elder brother Gabriel has a brigade of his own and I have been a Captain for a few years now. Anna was the only one who wasn’t fond of the military lifestyle._

[Friday, 1:07pm] Your sister, right? You don’t talk about her much.

[Friday, 1:10pm] _Sorry. Force of habit. She ran away from home after she’d finished college. None of us hear from her anymore._

[Friday, 1:12pm] Holy shit.

[Friday, 1:14pm] _Tell me about it._

[Friday, 1:16pm] You miss her?

[Friday, 1:18pm] _Sometimes. Hopefully she’s happy, though, which is the main thing. What I wish is that we were at least allowed to talk about her._

[Friday, 1:20pm] Your folks, right? Man, that’s rough.

[Friday, 1:23pm] _To say they were angry when Anna left would be an understatement._

[Friday, 1:26pm] You ever find out why she ditched?

[Friday, 1:35pm] _Yes. You have to understand, my parents were very strict. They had certain views, and expected us to uphold them. Anna was always a free spirit. She disagreed with them on many points, most notably her pacifist beliefs. In many ways, it was inevitable._

[Friday, 1:40pm] Don’t worry, I get it. Dad kicked me out when I was twenty-six. Not long before he kicked the bucket, actually. Same kinda reasons.

[Friday, 1:45pm] _Were you ever able to reconcile with him?_

[Friday, 2:00pm] You should get in touch with your sister. Sounds like you guys were close. You said she got you into movies.

[Friday, 2:03pm] _My parents would never approve._

[Friday, 2:06pm] Your parents can go screw themselves. Not their opinion that matters here. You wanna see her, go see her.

[Friday, 2:09pm] _You make it sound so simple._

[Friday, 2:20pm] That’s cos it is.

[Friday, 2:28pm] _Talking to you is very therapeutic._

[Friday, 2:22pm] Dunno why, you must have better people to talk to.

[Friday, 2:25pm] _While Meg tries to help, her advice is often misguided. Same with Hannah. They don’t know what it’s like, not really. You seem to. Besides, I value your company._

[Friday, 2:27pm] Oh. Um, thanks. What about Gabriel? You guys sounded close.

[Friday, 2:30pm] _Gabriel hasn’t been in a position to give me advice for some time now._

[Friday, 2:35pm] Oh. Sorry, man, that sucks. You know, you guys can still make up, though.

[Friday, 2:40pm] _I hope so, one day._

[Friday, 2:44pm] Anyways, need to go. Some idiot’s totalled their Ferrari and needs me to come tow it. Obnoxious douchebag.

[Friday, 2:46pm] _I’m sure you’ll have fun._

[Friday, 2:48pm] Screw you, jackass.

[Friday, 2:50pm] _Goodbye, Dean._

 

**Saturday 27th September**

[Saturday, 7:14pm] _Are you at home right now?_

[Saturday, 7:16pm] Way to sound like a stalker, Cas. But, um, yeah.

[Saturday, 7:18pm] _I assume you have TCM? I merely ask as Winchester ‘73 is about to come on in the next few minutes._

[Saturday, 7:19pm] What?

[Saturday, 7:21pm] _It’s one of Anthony Mann’s films. I personally prefer his film noir, but the psychological complexity he brings to the Western genre and use of landscape is to be applauded._

[Saturday, 7:25pm] Okay, I got none of that.

[Saturday, 7:28pm] _It’s a Western. You said you liked Westerns and I’ve seen this one before and enjoyed it._

[Saturday, 7:30pm] Fine. Switching on the TV now. If it’s awful, I’m blaming you.

[Saturday, 7:35pm] _You’ll love it, I promise._

[Saturday, 8:30pm] Okay, maybe you don’t have awful taste in films.

[Saturday, 8:34pm] _Told you._

[Saturday, 8:36pm] You’re such a nerd.

[Saturday, 8:38pm] _You like me anyway, though._

[Saturday, 8:50pm] Yeah, I do.

 

**Monday, 29th September**

[Monday, 1:00pm] _Do you believe in God?_

[Monday, 1:05pm] Wow, way to get deep there, Cas.

[Monday, 1:08pm] _I was merely curious._

[Monday, 1:12pm] It’s okay, I don’t mind. No, I don’t believe in God. Or if there is a God, I think he’s given up on us a long time ago.

[Monday, 1:14pm] _I can sympathise. I know what it’s like to feel that way._

[Monday, 1:16pm] You believe, I guess?

[Monday, 1:18pm] _Yes._

[Monday, 1:21pm] You really find it that easy? To believe in something you can’t even see or that no one’s got any proof of?

[Monday, 1:24pm] _Well, yes. That’s what it means, to have faith._

[Monday, 1:27pm] Sorry, man. I just, I don’t get that.

[Monday, 1:32pm] _I don’t judge you for it, if that’s what you’re worried about. There are times when I hate it. When I think that my religion is all a lie. It’s hard to have faith when bad things happen. But then, having faith helps as well, I think._

[Monday, 1:34pm] Don’t.

[Monday, 1:35pm] _What?_

[Monday, 1:40pm] How the hell can faith help, if everything’s going to hell? Cos what you’re basically saying is that yeah, sure, there’s a God. But what does that help when you’re going through shit or when you get stuck watching the people you care about hurting or even dying? Cos if he is there, he doesn’t give a crap about us. And I don’t wanna believe in a God like that.

[Monday, 1:42pm] _Don’t take it personally, Dean. It’s just what I believe._

[Monday, 1:50pm] Sorry. Shouldn’t have got mad like that.

[Monday, 1:53pm] _It’s alright. May I ask, who did you lose?_

[Monday, 1:55pm] Where did you get that from?

[Monday, 1:58pm] _I mean no offence, but you seemed a little too angry for my words not to have hit some sore point for you._

[Monday, 2:10pm] Seriously. I don’t care that you believe. I mean, good for you. I’m sure it makes things easier.

[Monday, 2:12pm] _It does, most of the time. Although you’re right. It can be hard at times._

[Monday, 2:30pm] You were right, btw. My mom. She had faith like that. Used to tell me when she tucked me in that angels were watching over us. In fact, that was the last thing she ever said to me.

[Monday, 2:17pm] _I’m sorry._

[Monday, 2:19pm] It’s okay. It was a long time ago.

[Monday, 2:22pm] _How old were you?_

[Monday, 2:24pm] Four.

[Monday, 2:30pm] _That must have been hard._

[Monday, 2:32pm] We got through it.

[Monday, 2:35pm] _You don’t need to sugar-coat things for me, Dean. I won’t think any less of you for it._

[Monday, 2:37pm] Who said I was sugar-coating anything? It was a long time ago, I’m over it.

[Monday, 2:40pm] _All the same, I understand better than you think._

[Monday, 2:45pm] Who’d you lose, then? If it’s challenging your faith?

[Monday, 3:00pm] It’s fine. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. Talk later, Cas.

 

**Tuesday, 30th September**

[Tuesday, 9:00am] How’re things?

[Tuesday, 9:05am] Don’t.

[Tuesday, 9:06am] What?

[Tuesday, 9:10am] Pretend you’re not checking up on me when that’s all you really care about.

[Tuesday, 9:12am] I said I wasn’t gonna nag you anymore, didn’t I?

[Tuesday, 9:15am] Yeah, well, wouldn’t be the first time you’ve said that.

[Tuesday, 9:19am] First time I meant it, though.

[Tuesday, 9:25am] Looks like that friend of yours really is a good influence.

[Tuesday, 9:28am] Yeah. Cas is a good guy.

[Tuesday, 9:32am] I don’t think I’ve heard you mention him before. How’d you know him?

[Tuesday 9:35am] Heh. Funny story. We’ve never met.

[Tuesday, 9:38am] Okay, now you definitely have to tell me.

[Tuesday, 9:42am] He texted me. Thought I was someone else that he was friends with. We ended up getting talking and he seems like a decent guy.

[Tuesday, 9:44am] And you guys are friends now?

[Tuesday, 9:45am] Well, yeah.

[Tuesday, 9:55am] Isn’t that kind of a bad idea? I mean, you’ve never met.

[Tuesday, 10:00am] Sam, if a guy was trying to creep on me, I don’t think he’d pick a name as freaking weird as Castiel. I could track him down if I wanted. Besides, it’s not like that.

[Tuesday, 10:02am] Then what is it like?

[Tuesday, 10:05am] I dunno. We just talk about stuff. I told him about Mom the other day.

[Tuesday, 10:10am] You talked about Mom? Dean, you barely even talk to me about her. Looks like you’ve got it bad.

[Tuesday, 10:12am] Shut it, Sam.

 

[Tuesday, 8:30pm] So get this. I’ve been doing some research on your boyfriend.

[Tuesday, 8:32pm] Cas isn’t my boyfriend, asshole.

[Tuesday, 8:37pm] Fine, stay in denial if you want. Especially as you knew exactly who I was talking about. Anyway, looks like he’s not been catfishing you or anything weird. He’s a real guy. You know he’s in the army?

[Tuesday, 8:40pm] Now who’s being over-protective? And yeah, I know. He told me.

[Tuesday, 8:43pm] You’d be worse if it was me. Huh.

[Tuesday, 8:45pm] Touché. And what’s that supposed to mean?

[Tuesday, 8:48pm] Does he know about you?

[Tuesday, 8:50pm] ‘Course not. And he’s not going to.

[Tuesday, 8:55pm] You think he’ll be a homophobic dick about it? We both know army guys can be like that.

[Tuesday, 8:58pm] Heh. The guy’s living in the freaking Castro quarter at the minute. If he had that much of a problem with gay people, he’s living in the wrong neighbourhood.

[Tuesday, 9:02pm] Good. Still, it’s kind of funny. You being tight with someone in uniform. I used to think you’d never get over that whole grudge you had going for a while.

[Tuesday, 9:04pm] Oh, I’ve got no issue with the uniform ;)

[Tuesday, 9:07pm] Gross, man.

[Tuesday, 9:10pm] You’re still okay with it though, right? If me and him were to get together?

[Tuesday, 9:14pm] Well, yeah. I don’t care who you want to date. As long as they’re not a dick to you. Tbh, it beats you going out to get wasted and then sleeping around as a coping mechanism.

[Tuesday, 9:18pm] I’m not like that.

[Tuesday, 9:24pm] So it’s just a coincidence that every time Dad was a dick to you or when November 2nd comes round, you end up waking up in someone else’s bed?

[Tuesday, 9:26pm] I told you to pack it in, Sam.

[Tuesday, 9:28pm] Fine. All I’m saying is that if you wanna try and come see your boyfriend, you’re welcome to stay on my couch.

[Tuesday, 9:28pm] He isn’t my boyfriend.

[Tuesday, 9:32pm] Offer still stands though. Whatever you want to call the guy, it’s obvious you care about him. Come and stay with me sometime, then you guys can meet up.

[Tuesday, 9:34pm] Thanks, Sam.

[Tuesday, 9:36pm] It’s no trouble.

 

**Thursday, 2nd October**

[Thursday, 1:00pm] Okay, so kinda odd question. But are you in town next week?

[Thursday, 1:10pm] _I’m doing nothing of importance. Why?_

[Thursday, 1:14pm] Well, I might be driving over to see Sam then. Thought we could meet up for a beer or two. Only if you want, I mean.

[Thursday, 1:20pm] _You want to see me?_

[Thursday, 1:24pm] Yeah?

[Thursday, 1:25pm] _You barely know me._

[Thursday, 1:30pm] Oh. Course. If you feel that way, it’s cool. I get it.

[Thursday, 1:35pm] _Dean. I didn’t mean that as an insult. I feel like I know you, yes. But we’ve never met. Are you sure you want to?_

[Thursday, 1:38pm] Kinda feels like the thing to do, doesn’t it? We’re friends, I’m in town. Figured I should at least say hey.

[Thursday, 1:40pm] _Then I’d like that very much :)_

[Thursday, 1:43pm] Let me know when you’re free and we’ll figure something out, okay?

[Thursday, 1:45pm] _Okay._

 

**Friday, 3rd October**

[Friday, 12:15pm] What do you look like?

[Friday, 12:17pm] _Excuse me?_

[Friday, 12:19pm] Sorry. I was curious. Since we agreed to meet up, I should probably ask.

[Friday, 12:25pm] _No, it’s a fair question. I’m awful at describing myself, though, so I cannot promise anything. It’d probably be easier to send you a picture._

[Friday, 12:27pm] Then you’d reveal your secret identity.

[Friday, 12:30pm] _And of course we wouldn’t want that. :P_

[Friday, 12:32pm] Like I couldn’t find some guy called Castiel if I wanted to. Can’t be that many of you about. It’d be nice, seeing a picture of you, though.

[Friday, 12:35pm] _I think I’m the only one with that name, for my birth-year. I looked up the statistics once to see if there were many of us._

[Friday, 12:39pm] Told you. Truth is, Sammy stalked you anyways, to check you’re not some catfish. I could always get pictures if I want. I’d just rather ask you :P

[Friday, 12:45pm] _Nice to see your brother’s looking out for you, even if it does mean he’s suspicious of me :P For your information, I have dark hair and blue eyes. I would rather not send you a photo, though._

[Friday, 12:46pm] Self-conscious?

[Friday, 12:47pm] _A little._

[Friday, 12:49pm] Heh. Don’t worry about him. I bet you two nerds’ll get on great in no time. Even if he’s being an overprotective little shit.

[Friday, 12:50pm] _And you?_

[Friday, 12:51pm] What?

[Friday, 12:53pm] _I was under the impression that you would return the favour and describe yourself to me._

[Friday, 12:56pm] Not much to say, really. I would send you a picture, but I’m not if you’re too much of a wuss :P Green eyes, kinda blondish-brown hair, freckles. Chicks dig it, so that’s a plus.

[Friday, 12:58pm] _Yes, well, apparently many men find ‘sex hair’ appealling so I am equally in demand._

[Friday, 1:10pm] You into dudes?

[Friday, 1:20pm] Cas?

 

[Friday, 7:10pm] _I believe I owe you an apology. I hadn’t intended to out myself to you and promptly panicked._

*Incoming Call*

_“Dean, I-”_

“I’m gay too. Well...I’m bi, because chicks are awesome, but dudes are great too, you know...? So if you thought I was gonna be a homophobic ass, you don’t have to worry, cos I’m into dudes as well and it’d be kinda hypocritical if I was a dick about it. Truth is, I kinda had guessed already. I just didn’t want to ask, cos some guys really don’t like it when you ask if they’re into other dudes and I didn’t want you to think-”

_“It’s alright, Dean. I had made no such presumption. Still, I appreciate you wanting to clarify the situation.”_

“So, er, what’re you? You gay or something else?”

_“I am only attracted to men, yes.”_

“Awesome. That’s, um, awesome.”

_“....I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have overreacted. The honest truth is that I’m not used to outing myself to people.”_

“The DADT act sucked, didn’t it? Man, I’m glad they repealed that damn thing.”

_“Tell me about it. Although my parents’ own mixed feelings on those with same-sex attraction serving in the army mean I can’t be as open as I want...I assume that’s why you never considered the military as a career?”_

“Well, actually...I wasn’t gonna tell you before, but...That’s why my Dad kicked me out. Man, he was so pissed. I got through the training with flying colours, set to get some cushy officer job...then I refused to toe the line and hide who I am. He couldn’t understand it. Said that the whole ‘being into guys too’ was a phase and I shouldn’t wreck my whole career over it.”

_“...I’m sorry.”_

“It’s alright. It’s kinda funny, actually? I usually hate talking about this shit. It’s different with you, somehow, though. Like you actually get it.”

_“I could say the same about you. I’m really looking forward to seeing you in person, Dean.”_

“...Me too, Cas. Text you later, okay?”

_“Yes. Text you later. Goodbye, Dean.”_

*Call Ended*

 

**Saturday, 4th October**

[Saturday, 1:00pm] _I think I might be going on a date._

[Saturday, 1:02pm] **Finally?! Who’s the guy?**

[Saturday, 1:03pm] _Dean._

[Saturday, 1:05pm] **Knew you’d come through, Clarence. Hannah owes me 5 bucks now. They thought you two’d take even longer to get your act together.**

[Saturday, 1:09pm] _Don’t get too excited. It’s not official._

[Saturday, 1:11pm] **Clarence. Either you’re going on a date or not.**

[Saturday, 1:12pm] _I told you, I’m not sure._

[Saturday, 1:13pm] **Spill.**

[Saturday, 1:18pm] _Dean is coming to San Francisco to see his brother. We’ve arranged to meet while he’s here._

[Saturday, 1:20pm] **And you think it’s a date?**

[Saturday, 1:25pm] _Perhaps? I’m probably reading too much into it. I only started wondering because he mentioned that he’s bisexual._

[Saturday, 1:30pm] **Who cares if it’s a date or not? Either way, as long as you end up making love like rabbits, it’s a win. He wouldn’t have told you if he wasn’t interested.**

[Saturday, 1:32pm] _Don’t be lewd, Meg._

[Saturday, 1:34pm] **But you know I’m right.**

[Saturday, 1:36pm] _I’ll let you know after I’ve seen him._

 

**Monday, 6th October**

[Monday, 9:00am] All set for the drive. See you tomorrow, little brother.

[Monday, 9:05am] I don’t know why you don’t just fly.

[Monday, 9:10am] Have you seen the stats for how many planes crash? Hell no. Not going in one of those winged death traps.

[Monday, 9:15am] Yeah, and if you look at probability, you’re way more likely to be involved in a car crash. Admit it, you’re just afraid of flying.

[Monday, 9:17am] What? Course not.

[Monday, 9:19am] Heh. Yeah, you are.

[Monday, 9:24am] Asshole.

[Monday, 9:26am] See you tomorrow, Dean.

[Monday, 9:28am] Yeah, see you later.

 

**Tuesday, 7th October**

[Tuesday, 6:30pm] Just got into town.

[Tuesday, 6:33pm] _I’m glad to hear you made it alright. Although it would have been a lot quicker if you’d flown._

[Tuesday, 6:37pm] Nah. Any excuse I can get to be on the road with my car and my tapes, I’m gonna take it.

[Tuesday, 6:39pm] _Sounds fun._

[Tuesday, 6:43pm] It is. You figured out where we should meet yet?

[Tuesday, 6:49pm] _Yes, actually. How about 7pm on Thursday? There’s a bowling alley not far from my apartment which does decent burgers. The Mission Bowling Club. We could meet there._

[Tuesday, 6:54pm] Sure thing. Bowling, though. Seriously?

[Tuesday, 6:57pm] _We could go somewhere else, if you prefer._

[Tuesday, 7:00pm] Nah, it’s cool. Haven’t been bowling in years. What d’you know, it could be fun.

[Tuesday, 7:03pm] _Glad to hear you’re being so enthusiastic about this :P_

[Tuesday, 7:05pm] Don’t mention it ;)

 

**Thursday, 9th October**

[Thursday, 4:00pm] _I’m meeting Dean in three hours._

[Thursday, 4:05pm] **Yeah, I know. Like this isn’t the 100th time you’ve told me.**

[Thursday, 4:08pm] _I have every right to be excited. Dean’s my friend and I’m looking forward to seeing him._

[Thursday, 4:11pm] **And as your best friend, I have every right to tease you, Clarence.**

[Thursday, 4:15pm] _Fine. I doubt I’d have much luck in stopping you anyway._

[Thursday, 4:18pm] **So did you have any real reason to text me or are you just wanting to gossip about what Lover Boy probably looks like again?**

[Thursday, 4:21pm] _I wanted to soothe my nerves, I suppose. But mostly to check what I should wear. I thought a suit might be appropriate. And my trenchcoat, of course._

[Thursday, 4:25pm] **Seriously, Clarence? You’re going with the flasher coat?**

[Thursday, 4:27pm] _I like it._

[Thursday, 4:29pm] **Fine. Besides, not like he’ll really care what you’re wearing ;)**

[Thursday, 4:31pm] _Don’t be inappropriate, Meg._

[Thursday, 4:33pm] **You love it really.**

[Thursday, 4:37pm] _I have to go. My parents are phoning me._

[Thursday, 4:39pm] **Sure thing, Clarence. Have fun on your not-date with Lover Boy.**

 

[Thursday, 4:45pm] I can see why you like living here. My Baby’s not thanking me for all the steep hills I’m making her drive up, though.

 

[Thursday, 5:30pm] Dude. I just found the best pie shop ever. This city is awesome.

 

[Thursday, 6:00pm] I’m probably distracting you from getting ready, huh? Catch up with you later then.

 

[Thursday, 8:00pm] Cas?

 

[Thursday, 10:30pm] So? How did it go? I’m guessing there’s no point me waiting up, since you’re not back yet.

[Thursday, 10:50pm] He never showed.


	4. Interlude

Castiel didn’t want to watch it. It felt like an invasion of privacy, somehow. A moment he shouldn’t be intruding on. But all the same, there was a part of him that had to know, had to have that sense of finality. That was what he told himself, as he sat down and began to view the video.

 

_ A dark basement. There’s only one light source, shining down on the man tied to a chair in the middle of the room. The camera shakes a little as it zooms in on him, guided by an obviously unpractised hand. He doesn’t bother looking up, eyes focused firmly on the ground. Sweat is pouring off his forehead and he seems to be shaking, although that could just be the bad video. The light illuminates his hair, forming a dirty golden halo. _

_ “You know why you’re here.” A voice speaks. Soft, persuasive. He sounds almost regretful, sorry that this is the only apparent way forward. “Any final words before you serve penance for your sins?” _

_ “Go to Hell.” _

_ The voice only laughs in response. _

_ A masked man steps into view. There’s the glint of metal at his belt. The prisoner finally looks up, staring into the camera with hollow eyes. It’s an effort, but he doesn’t blink, doesn’t flinch. _

_ There’s a flash of steel. Then, static. The broadcast is over. _

  
When it was over, it was worse than if he’d actually felt anything. He just felt numb.


	5. Chapter 5

**Monday, 13th October**

[Monday, 10:10am] Do you want to talk about it?

[Monday, 10:19am] We’re not doing this, Sam.

[Monday, 10:22am] You’d feel better if we did.

[Monday, 10:28am] You don’t have any damn idea what’d make me feel better. Besides, I’m fine. Don’t need your help.

[Monday, 10:34am] Shutting out everyone isn’t going to help, though. You hardly spoke to me after he stood you up. You really think I didn’t work out something was majorly wrong?

[Monday, 10:40am] Yeah, and you’d know all about avoiding talking to your family about stuff, wouldn’t you, Sammy?

[Monday, 10:43am] That was different.

[Monday, 10:50am] Don’t know, don’t care. Now leave me alone. I’m working.

 

[Monday, 6:15pm] You really want me to call Ellen and ask her to check up on you? Because I will, if you keep shutting yourself off like this.

[Monday, 6:20pm] You’re an asshole.

[Monday, 6:25pm] Yeah, maybe.

[Monday, 6:30pm] Look, what’s the point in talking about it? He’s made it clear how he feels about me.

[Monday, 6:35pm] You don’t know that. There’s tons of reasons why he might not’ve shown up.

[Monday, 6:45pm] Oh really? And when did you become the expert on dating? Last time I checked, your last long term relationship was with some junkie who got you into all sorts of crap and was only with you ‘cos she wanted to be your dealer. Hardly true love, was it?

[Monday, 7:50pm] Yeah, thought as much.

 

**Wednesday, 15th October**

[Wednesday, 12:00pm] Sorry.

[Wednesday, 12:30pm] So you’re talking to me again then? Finally decided to be bothered speaking to the junkie waste-of-space?

[Wednesday, 12:32pm] Cut it out, Sam.

[Wednesday, 12:34pm] You started it.

[Wednesday, 12:37pm] Look, I’m trying to apologise here, not have another fight.

[Wednesday, 12:45pm] Who says I want to hear your apology? You crossed a line, Dean. You said you’d never hold what happened with Ruby against me, but then every time you get pissed at me, you keep coming out with the same crap. How can I even trust you, when you do stuff like that?

[Wednesday, 12:50pm] Yeah, I know. I’m a dick. I don’t always mean what I say. I thought you knew that.

[Wednesday, 12:54pm] That’s the problem. You did mean it. And I thought things were getting better between us.

[Wednesday, 12:56pm] I thought so too.

[Wednesday, 1:15pm] I’ll let it go, but this is the last time. Seriously, you’ve got to stop doing this. Cos all that happens is we both end up feeling like crap. Go and see someone, or something. I know you haven’t really been right since Dad died. Not to mention when I went off the rails.

[Wednesday, 1:20pm] I don’t need to see anyone. I’m fine.

[Wednesday, 1:22pm] Think about it at least, okay?

 

**Thursday, 16th October**

[Thursday, 12:00pm] **Hey there Lover Boy.**

[Thursday, 12:10pm] Who is this?

[Thursday, 12:18pm] **I’m Meg. One of Castiel’s friends. You might’ve heard him mention me? He’s not messaging anyone at the minute, so you get me. Lucky you.**

[Thursday, 12:25pm] Look, if he asked you to text me, I’m not interested, okay? I don’t want to hear whatever bullshit excuse he’s got. How’d you even get this number?

[Thursday, 12:28pm] **Wasn’t too hard to track down a mechanic called Dean in Lawrence. Oh, and I might’ve stolen Clarence’s phone for a hot minute. You sure you don’t wanna talk? ‘Cause it’s your loss if you don’t.**

[Thursday, 12:32pm] Quit the mind games or I block you.

[Thursday, 12:36pm] **Someone really is doing the whole ‘injured lover’ act. If you took the time to watch the news once in a while, you might bother ditching the snark.**

[Thursday, 12:40pm] What the hell are you talking about?

[Thursday, 12:43pm] **Come talk with me and you’ll see. I’ll stop by that garage of your’s tomorrow, okay? It’s just around the corner from one of my classes, so you can’t escape.**

[Thursday, 12:46pm] I can’t really stop you, can I?

[Thursday, 12:47pm] **Nope :)**

[Thursday, 12:49pm] Awesome.

 

**Friday, 17th October**

[Friday, 1:30pm] So your crazy friend showed up at the garage the other day. She told me about your brother. So, I get it. Why you didn’t show up, I mean. And I’m sorry.

  
[Friday, 4:00pm] _Thank you, Dean. I appreciate it._


	6. A Newspaper Clipping

**Beloved Colonel Violently Murdered on Camera**

The grieving family of Colonel Gabriel Novak, the latest casualty of the conflict in Iraq, welcome his body home today after his brutal execution. The insurgency group Iblis horrified the world when they published a video which showed Gabriel’s brutal beheading as he held firm to the last against the terrorists’ attempts to intimidate him. It is a tragic end to government attempts to negotiate for Novak’s release after he went missing in action a few weeks ago. The insurgents state that as long as the US army is present in the area and continues to threaten the group, they intend to deal with all prisoners with the same lack of mercy. For the sake of all our soldiers fighting the war against such sadistic terrorists as these, we can only hope that they are stopped soon.

Son of General Michael Novak, one of the youngest appointed generals in army history, Gabriel once had a promising future ahead of him. He was one of the main strategists behind Operation Elysian, which brought significant gains of enemy territory and valuable intelligence, as well as participating in many other important intelligence-gathering missions. It is believed that is why he was of interest to the insurgent leaders.

Colonel Gabriel Novak is survived by his parents, Michael and Naomi, and his siblings Anna and Castiel. This was supposed to be his last tour. Personal effects show that he was saving up to start his own bakery, a childhood dream of his, and he had handed in his resignation only a few hours before leaving on the patrol that was to lead to his capture.


	7. Chapter 7

**Saturday, 18th October**

[Saturday, 1:00pm] Thought I should let you know. I found out why Cas never showed up.

[Saturday, 1:05pm] You did? What happened?

[Saturday, 1:10pm] His brother got killed in action. You probably heard about it, you watch the news more than I do. The sick bastards who captured him filmed the whole damn thing too.

[Saturday, 1:14pm] Jesus.

[Saturday, 1:16pm] Yeah, exactly.

[Saturday, 1:18pm] Is he doing okay?

[Saturday, 1:22pm] I dunno. I think so. He messaged me back, after I told him I knew what’d happened. I’m just giving him time, if he wants to come and talk about it all.

[Saturday, 1:24pm] Wow. That’s really mature of you.

[Saturday, 1:26pm] When am I not mature?

[Saturday, 1:28pm] Don’t make me answer that.

[Saturday, 1:40pm] Hey, I know I’ve said it before, but I’m really sorry about the other day. You were right. I was out of line, taking my crap out on you. I’m not gonna lie, I’m still pissed about what you did, but I’m gonna stop being a dick about it, okay?

[Saturday, 1:48pm] It’s okay. I’m over it.

[Saturday, 1:55pm] Still. Let’s get this chick flick over with. I shouldn’t have been a judgemental dick. You couldn’t have known she was poison, Sammy. What you did afterwards sucked, sure. But I get why you did it.

[Saturday, 2:00pm] Never thought I’d hear you say that.

[Saturday, 2:10pm] Yeah, well, maybe I’m just realising how lucky I am that you’re still around for me to bitch at.

[Saturday, 2:15pm] We should have chick flick moments more often :P Go check up on your boyfriend, okay? We’ll talk later.

[Saturday, 2:17pm] Sure thing, Sammy.

 

[Saturday, 5:00pm] You know, if you wanna talk, that’s cool. Doesn’t have to be about your brother, either. Not if you don’t want to.

[Saturday, 5:10pm] _You’d be one of the only ones then. That’s all anyone else seems to want to talk about._

[Saturday, 5:14pm] That bad, huh?

[Saturday, 5:20pm] _I should have been there with him. If I hadn’t been injured, I would have been in that patrol when him and his men got captured._

[Saturday, 5:25pm] Then that’s good. ‘Least both of you didn’t have to do through that.

[Saturday, 5:30pm] _So instead I have to live with my guilty conscience._

[Saturday, 5:34pm] Cas, you were wounded. It’s not your fault.

[Saturday, 5:40pm] _I knew something critical was going down after the mission when I was injured. I warned him to stay safe._

[Saturday, 5:45pm] Then you did all you could.

[Saturday, 5:48pm] _I could have done more._

[Saturday, 6:00pm] Look, let’s not talk about this. It can’t be helping you and if things are that shit, you need to try and take your mind off what’s happened. You can’t change it now, okay? So quit blaming yourself.

[Saturday, 6:05pm] _Fine._

[Saturday, 6:09pm] I’m guessing you’ve had the funeral already?

[Saturday, 6:13pm] _It was on Tuesday. Remind me never to spend too long periods of time with my extended family, if I can help it._

[Saturday, 6:16pm] That bad, huh?

[Saturday, 6:25pm] _The majority of the funeral was about celebrating our family’s military heritage rather than my brother, most of my relations inquired about if I have a girlfriend yet at the wake and the remaining few assumed that Meg and I are together. So yes, it was ‘bad’._

[Saturday, 6:29pm] They don’t know about you being into dudes then? I know you said they weren’t the most tolerant, but I didn’t realise you were still in the closet.

[Saturday, 6:34pm] _Sadly, it is a bit of a necessity. If I ever end up dating someone seriously, I might tell them. For now, though, there seems no point to create a fuss over nothing.At least Meg found my family’s attempts to set us up hilarious._

[Saturday, 6:40pm] ‘Course. Cos you guys are such good friends.

[Saturday, 6:43pm] _Well, yes._

[Saturday, 6:45pm] _Dean, am I mistaken in thinking you’re jealous?_

[Saturday, 6:46pm] What? No. Of course not.

[Saturday, 6:50pm] _Yes, you are. Don’t worry, though, you have nothing to fear :P Not least because I’m certain Meg’s girlfriend would lynch me if I tried anything._

[Saturday, 6:55pm] Girlfriend?

[Saturday, 7:00pm] _The idea that LGBT people seem to converge on each other is fairly true in my friendship circle. I think all my friends outside the army are queer in some form or another. My parents are thrilled about this, of course._

[Saturday, 7:03pm] Funny how that happens. Still, means you’ve got a decent group of people to choose to date from ;)

[Saturday, 7:07pm] _Considering I haven’t been interested in dating anyone until now, I wouldn’t go that far._

[Saturday, 7:10pm] Until now? You got your eye on someone then?

[Saturday, 7:15pm] _Yes. If he would stop either ignoring my advances out of disinterest or being utterly clueless._

[Saturday, 7:18pm] If he can’t notice you’re into him, the guy’s probably a bit of a douchebag. You really sure about this?

[Saturday, 7:20pm] _Dean, stop being an assbutt._

[Saturday, 7:22pm] Assbutt?

[Saturday, 7:28pm] _I’m talking about you. Idiot._

[Saturday, 7:35pm] Oh.

[Saturday, 7:36pm] _Exactly._

[Saturday, 7:38pm] Seriously, though? You’re into me?

[Saturday, 7:42pm] _Why wouldn’t I be? I like you a great deal. You’re charming, funny and kind, not to mention a good friend to me._

[Saturday, 7:45pm] We’ve never even met, Cas. How can you even know that for sure?

[Saturday, 7:50pm] _All that means is that I’m not choosing to date you out of simple appreciation for your good looks. Although from what Meg tells me, you’re also apparently very aesthetically pleasing._

[Saturday, 7:55pm] Uh, thanks. Look, I just wanna make sure, okay? That this isn’t some weird way of coping with grieving or something.

[Saturday, 7:58pm] _It isn’t. But I can wait, if you’d rather be sure of my intentions. If it helps, I was hoping that our meeting in San Francisco would turn out to be a date._

[Saturday, 8:05pm] Truth is, I was kinda hoping that too.

[Saturday, 8:15pm] _Would you like to try again? Our going on a date, I mean. After things have settled down a little here, of course._

[Saturday, 8:18pm] Hell yeah. Just let me know when you’re ready and I’ll be there, babe.

[Saturday, 8:20pm] _Babe. I think I like your calling me pet-names._

[Saturday, 8:23pm] Better get used to it, cos I have no plans in stopping. Not now you’ve said you like me ;)

[Saturday, 8:25pm] _I have no issues with that outcome._

 

**Sunday, 19th October**

[Sunday, 12:00pm] So, Cas and me are a thing now.

[Sunday, 12:02pm] Finally.

[Sunday, 12:05pm] Hey! We didn’t take that long over it.

[Sunday, 12:08pm] Longer than you usually take to hook up with someone, though. Who asked who?

[Sunday, 12:12pm] Cas told me first.

[Sunday, 12:14pm] Knew you’d be too chickenshit to initiate anything.

[Sunday, 12:16pm] I asked him on that date in San Francisco first!

[Sunday, 12:18pm] You didn’t tell him it was a date though, so it doesn’t count. Ask him over next time you visit. I need to meet the guy and give him the whole “Don’t violate my brother’s honour” speech.

[Sunday, 12:20pm] You wouldn’t dare.

[Sunday, 12:22pm] Try me.

[Sunday, 12:24pm] Taking that means you approve, then.

[Sunday, 12:26pm] As long as you’re happy? ‘Course I approve.

 

[Sunday, 1:15pm] **Poor form, Clarence. Hannah had to tell me about you and Lover Boy. Couldn’t be bothered to send me a message?**

[Sunday, 1:18pm] _As you well know, I’m currently busy with family obligations. But yes, Dean and I are in a relationship now. Happy?_

[Sunday, 1:21pm] **Of course. So many more ways to tease you now.**

[Sunday, 1:24pm] _I knew you’d say something like that._

[Sunday, 1:26pm] **You love me really ;)**

[Sunday, 1:29pm] _You’re alright with it, though, aren’t you? I know you’ve never been particularly fond of my feelings for Dean._

[Sunday, 1:31pm] **I just don’t want him to hurt you.**

[Sunday, 1:33pm] _I can take care of myself._

[Sunday, 1:36pm] **Like I don’t know that. All I’m saying is be careful, okay? You could do without any relationship hassle on top of all the other crap in your life.**

[Sunday, 1:39pm] _I’m always careful._

 

**Monday, 20th October**

[Monday, 11:00am] _I forgot to tell you before. Anna came to Gabriel’s funeral._

[Monday, 11:05am] Your folks managed to track her down then?

[Monday, 11:08am] _Not exactly. She saw it on the news and then got in touch._

[Monday, 11:12am] How is she? You said you haven’t seen her again since she left.

[Monday, 11:18am] _Anna’s a journalist now over in Portland. Married too, and expecting a child. It seems to suit her. She looked very happy, when we spoke, despite the unfavourable circumstances._

[Monday, 11:22am] Sounds like she did okay, then.

[Monday, 11:38am] _Do you think she can say I didn’t do so badly either?_

[Monday, 11:40am] Seriously? Why’d you even need to ask?

[Monday, 11:43am] _Why would I ask if I wasn’t uncertain of your answer?_

[Monday, 11:46am] You’re ridiculous. You’ve got to stop doing this, man.

[Monday, 11:50am] _Doing what?_

[Monday, 11:55am] Treating yourself like crap and beating yourself up about what’s happened.

[Monday, 11:59am] _I am not._

[Monday, 12:03pm] So then why’re you trash-talking yourself every time we’ve spoken since you got the news?

[Monday, 12:06pm] _I’m having to rethink a lot of things. That’s all._

[Monday, 12:08pm] Yeah, well, stop putting yourself down. You know if you say something often enough, you believe it?

[Monday, 12:10pm] _I take it you’re speaking from experience?_

[Monday, 12:14pm] _Sorry. That was uncalled for._

[Monday, 12:16pm] It’s okay. Just stop with the negative attitude, okay? All it’s doing is dragging you down.

[Monday, 12:18pm] _I’ll do my best._

 

[Monday, 12:30pm] _Dean says I’m being too negative._

[Monday, 12:34pm] **He’s kinda got a point, Clarence.**

[Monday, 12:36pm] _Not you too. Please._

[Monday, 12:38pm] **I don’t really do warm and fuzzy. Thought you knew that by now.**

[Monday, 12:44pm] _I know. It’s just that I know you’ll be honest with me. Everyone else seems to be going out of their way to be nice to me at the moment. I’m not sure they’d give me a truthful answer if I asked._

[Monday, 12:46pm] **One of the perks of a death in a family. People were still being nice to me months after my folks kicked the bucket.**

[Monday, 12:50pm] _I remember. I’m not like you. I can’t be polite or snark my way out of situations to try and hide how much I blame myself about this._

[Monday, 12:55pm] **So let me get this straight. You’re blaming yourself for Gabe’s death. People are telling you to stop doing it, so you’re blaming yourself even more. That’s kind of messed up.**

[Monday, 12:58pm] _I can’t help how I feel._

[Monday, 1:05pm] **Word of advice, Clarence. People want you to be sad and grieve, sure. But the moment you start being depressed? Suddenly, they don’t like it. Makes them feel like they’re to blame and that they have to fix you. Or they get frustrated when you still feel like shit and nothing they’re doing is helping. They want you to at least look like you’re doing okay.**

[Monday, 1:10pm] _Then what do you propose I do?_

[Monday, 1:15pm] **Keep it down, nice and dark, where no one’s ever gonna find out just how crappy you feel.**

[Monday, 1:20pm] _I’m sorry._

[Monday, 1:25pm] **There you go. Blaming yourself again. You don’t have to apologise to me, Cas.**

[Monday, 1:35pm] _Meg, would you mind if I asked you to do a favour for me?_

[Monday, 2:00pm] **Depends. What is it?**

[Monday, 2:05pm] _I’ll call you._

 

**Tuesday, 21st October**

[Tuesday, 11:00pm] Nice stealth skills there, sweetheart. I got a bit of a surprise when I saw my workbench this morning.

[Tuesday, 11:05pm] _I don’t know what you’re talking about :P_

[Tuesday, 11:08pm] Yeah, like anyone else is gonna randomly decide to send me a freaking massive bouquet of roses. At least, I hope it was you.

[Tuesday, 11:12pm] _Excellent deduction skills, Mr Holmes. I’m glad you liked them._

[Tuesday, 11:18pm] Elementary, my dear Cas :P Never been given flowers before. The guys at the garage are ribbing me about it so much.

[Tuesday, 11:20pm] _Not too much, I hope?_

[Tuesday, 11:22pm] I’ll survive :P

[Tuesday, 11:27pm] No offence, btw, but isn’t it more normal to get someone you love red roses? Not that I mind the orange. It’s kinda more happy looking. Also way less embarrassing lol.

[Tuesday, 11:29pm] _Oh. I should have realised you wouldn’t know._

[Tuesday, 11:31pm] Something you’re hiding from me, Cas?

[Tuesday, 11:34pm] _You’re smart. I know you’ll figure it out :P_

 

**Wednesday, 22nd October**

[Wednesday, 10:00pm] Roses again. I’m guessing you’re black-mailing Meg into ordering these for you, right?

[Wednesday, 10:05pm] _I might be calling in a favour or two…_

[Wednesday, 10:09pm] Trust me, I’m not complaining. Half the fun of getting them is seeing how pissed off Bobby’s getting at the garage office reeking of roses.

[Wednesday, 10:11pm] _I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. Figured it out yet?_

[Wednesday, 10:13pm] I’m working on it.

 

**Friday, 24th October**

[Friday, 12:00pm] Dude, you’ve got to help me.

[Friday, 12:05pm] What’s up?

[Friday, 12:08pm] Okay. Cas is sending me loads of flowers. Like, a bouquet a day.

[Friday, 12:10pm] Heh.

[Friday, 12:13pm] Shut it. It’s cute that he’s doing it.

[Friday, 12:14pm] Whipped.

[Friday, 12:19pm] Shut up, asshole. Anyways, he keeps implying that there’s some secret reason behind the flowers he’s sending me and won’t tell me what’s going on.

[Friday, 12:22pm] So you’re coming to me for help.

[Friday, 12:27pm] Yeah. Kinda.

[Friday, 12:30pm] Okay. First things first. What flowers has he sent you?

[Friday, 12:33pm] Does that really matter? I don’t know if I can remember them all.

[Friday, 12:36pm] It could be. Knowing the colours and types might be a clue, if there’s a hidden message.

[Friday, 12:39pm] Okay. So it started on Monday, when he got me a massive bunch of orange roses. Tuesday was roses again, yellow that time. Blue violets yesterday. Forget-me-nots today.

[Friday, 12:45pm] Wow. Your boyfriend really is a dork.

[Friday, 12:47pm] Quit dissing him. Just tell me what the hell’s going on.

[Friday, 12:49pm] It’s flower language.

[Friday, 12:53pm] What the hell?

[Friday, 12:56pm] Flower language. People used to use it to tell the people they loved how they felt and stuff.

[Friday, 12:59pm] And you think that’s what he’s doing?

[Friday, 1:10pm] I know it is. People used to use flowers as a way of sending messages about how they feel. Orange roses mean fascination. Yellow roses tend to mean joy and friendship. Blue Violets are for faithfulness. I bet even you’ve heard the one about Forget-me-nots meaning true love. He’s telling you how he feels about you. It’s kind of cute, actually.

[Friday, 1:14pm] So you and Cas are both dorks.

[Friday, 1:17pm] Jess used to love stuff like that when we dated. Not my fault if I picked some of it up.

[Friday, 1:22pm] Just keep telling yourself that, Sammy. Hey, you know a lot about this stuff, right?

[Friday, 1:25pm] I can remember a decent amount, yeah. Why?

[Friday, 1:27pm] You reckon you can send me some info?

[Friday, 1:30pm] Not laughing about my flower language knowledge now, are you?

[Friday, 1:32pm] Shut it.

[Friday, 1:34pm] I’ll send some stuff through.

 

[Friday, 3:00pm] You know where Cas lives, don’t you?

[Friday, 3:05pm] **Maybe. What’s it to you, Lover Boy? Didn’t think you liked speaking to me.**

[Friday, 3:08pm] I don’t. Just give me the address, okay? Please.

[Friday, 3:12pm] **This is about the flowers, isn’t it? You’re wanting to do something in return. How cute.**

[Friday, 3:15pm] Don’t need your comments on our relationship, thanks.

[Friday, 3:18pm] **Luckily for me, that’s not your choice. Clarence seems to be okay with my snark.**

[Friday, 3:23pm] Why did you keep calling him that?

[Friday, 3:28pm] **Clarence, you mean? He hasn’t forced you to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” yet then. Lucky you. That movie is the soppiest thing I’ve ever seen. Plus, you’ve got to love the internal misogyny. Surprised you haven’t seen it actually, I thought it was required viewing for every little white picket fence family.**

[Friday, 3:30pm] You don’t know shit about my family.

[Friday, 3:32pm] **Never pretended I did.**

[Friday, 3:36pm] Are you just out to make me hate you or is this your personality or something?

[Friday, 3:39pm] **Way to be blunt, Dean-o. No, actually. Why would I want my best friend’s boyfriend to hate me?**

[Friday, 3:43pm] I dunno. You seem kinda overprotective. Maybe you’d rather you were the one boning Cas.

[Friday, 3:46pm] **Great. So a girl can’t be friends with a guy anymore unless they want to screw them. I have a girlfriend, dumbass.**

[Friday, 3:49pm] I didn’t mean it like that. I just figured maybe you two have some history. That’s all.

[Friday, 3:52pm] **Yeah, well quit presuming crap. Remember, you’ve never actually met the guy yet. Word of advice, you want to stay in your boyfriend’s good books, don’t piss off his best friend. I was here before you and will probably still be here way after.**

[Friday, 3:54pm] **Oh, and here’s the address you wanted :)**

 

**Saturday, 25th October**

[Saturday, 11:20am] _You sent me flowers._

[Saturday, 11:23am] Yeah, genius. You don’t like them?

[Saturday, 11:26am] _No, I love the bouquet. I just didn’t think you were the type to send them._

[Saturday, 11:30am] Yeah, well, you guessed wrong. I can be romantic when I want to be.

[Saturday, 11:32am] _You’re very sweet, Dean :)_

[Saturday, 11:34am] I’m really not.

[Saturday, 11:37am] _You just don’t want to admit it as it would undermine your macho reputation._

[Saturday, 11:40am] And this is coming from the guy who started the whole ‘sending flowers with cutesy messages’ thing.

[Saturday, 11:43am] _I don’t feel that such things undermine my masculinity, though :P_

[Saturday, 11:46am] I figured out your game, btw.

[Saturday, 11:50am] _I had guessed that from the White Carmellias you sent. It would have been an unusual choice otherwise. You think I’m adorable?_

[Saturday, 11:53am] You sent me a load of flowers to tell me you loved me. That’s freaking adorable, Cas, however you look at it.

[Saturday, 11:56am] _I suppose it is, in a way. How did you figure it out, in the end?_

[Saturday, 11:58am] Sam’s a dork.

[Saturday, 12:00pm] _I might have guessed._

[Saturday, 12:04pm] How did you learn about flower language, anyways?

[Saturday, 12:07pm] _My friend Hannah is a florist. You pick things up, now and then._

[Saturday, 12:10pm] Hannah? She’s your roommate, right?

[Saturday, 12:13pm] _They’re not a she. Hannah’s non-binary. But yes, I’m currently staying with them._

[Saturday, 12:16pm] What’re they like? I don’t ever hear you talk about your friends much. Except for Meg, of course.

[Saturday, 12:20pm] _They’re nice. Thoughtful. Always knows when to give me my own space. The perfect roommate, really. We met back in college. Part of the same study group._

[Saturday, 12:22pm] I didn’t know you went to normal college. Figured they’d have shipped you off to a military academy.

[Saturday, 12:26pm] _I insisted. Besides, it made sense to have another career path open to me. Not least because I knew if anyone found out about my sexual proclivities, I would be discharged._

[Saturday, 12:28pm] What’d you major in?

[Saturday, 12:30pm] _Theology. Call it a minor rebellion._

[Saturday, 12:32pm] I bet you were such a nerd in college.

[Saturday, 12:35pm] _I studied a lot, yes. But I do know how to have fun as well, Dean. I wasn’t a complete hermit._

[Saturday, 12:38pm] C’mon, like you didn’t practically live in the library.

[Saturday, 12:40pm] _And wanting good grades is so wrong?_

[Saturday, 12:43pm] Hey, don’t ask me. High school dropout, remember?

[Saturday, 12:45pm] _True._

 

**Monday, 27th October**

[Monday, 12:15pm] I wish you lived closer to me.

[Monday, 12:18pm] _Why?_

[Monday, 12:22pm] Jesus, Cas. I dunno. I just wish I could take you on dates and stuff. Get to know you better.

[Monday, 12:26pm] _I thought we were getting to know each other better, talking like this._

[Monday, 12:30pm] It’s different, though. You know there’s a gotta be a reason most long-distance relationships fail, right?

[Monday, 12:34pm] _Why are you being like this? I thought things were going well between us._

[Monday, 12:38pm] They are. Forget it, okay?

[Monday, 12:42pm] _Dean. Talk to me._

[Monday, 12:46pm] Leave it alone. No point arguing.

[Monday, 12:49pm] _No. I want to know why you’re worrying about this._

[Monday, 12:54pm] It was just something Meg said.

[Monday, 12:56pm] _Meg?_

[Monday, 12:58pm] Yeah.

[Monday, 1:02pm] _You would be wise not to listen to everything Meg says._

[Monday, 1:06pm] She’s your friend. She knows you better than I do.

[Monday, 1:12pm] _Yes and she’s also overprotective and determined to make sure that you don’t end up hurting me. Don’t take any attempts on her part to warn you off as the gospel truth._

[Monday, 1:16pm] It’s not just that, though. I really do wish I could be with you. We could get to do dumb couple shit together, I might actually know what you look like, stuff like that.

[Monday, 1:19pm] _Well, if it helps, in some ways I’m glad we’re getting to know each other like this._

[Monday, 1:21pm] Really?

[Monday, 1:25pm] _There’s no rush for us to become intimate. I’m falling in love with you too, and I know it’s not just because of your looks. Even though I’m sure you’re very handsome ;)_

[Monday, 1:28pm] You’re falling in love with me?

[Monday, 1:32pm] _Yes._

[Monday, 1:35pm] Huh.

[Monday, 1:40pm] _You don’t have to say it back. Not if you don’t mean it._


	8. Chapter 8

[Monday, 1:50pm] _What did you say to Dean?_

[Monday, 2:00pm] **What?**

[Monday, 2:03pm] _He was behaving oddly today and said you had something to do with it._

[Monday, 2:06pm] **Jeez, Clarence. Calm down. I didn’t scare off your boyfriend or anything if that’s what you’re worried about.**

[Monday, 2:09pm] _Yes, that is what I’m worried about. Please, Meg. I could really do without this extra stress right now._

[Monday, 2:13pm] **Are things really that bad?**

[Monday, 2:15pm] _Don’t change the subject. What did you tell him?_

[Monday, 2:20pm] **I dunno. He’s probably talking about when he asked me for your address to send those stupid flowers. He started saying some stuff and asked if you and me had been screwing, then I told him to stop being an ass. Look, Clarence, you would tell me if something was wrong, wouldn’t you?**

[Monday, 2:24pm] _Sometimes I hate how jealous he gets. You were right to reprimand him._

[Monday, 2:26pm] **You didn’t answer my question, Castiel.**

[Monday, 2:30pm] **‘Cause if stuff’s got bad, you need to go see someone. You know that, right?**

[Monday, 2:35pm] **Stop ignoring me.**

[Monday, 2:38pm] **Cas, this really isn’t funny now.**

 

[Monday, 4:00pm] **Call your boyfriend.**

[Monday, 4:10pm] I thought you didn’t like me?

[Monday, 4:14pm] **I don’t. But he’s not answering my calls and I think he’s in a bad place right now. You seem to be the only one who’s getting through that thick skull of his at the minute, so looks like I need your help for a change.**

[Monday, 4:16pm] He seemed okay when I’ve been talking to him lately. He’d stopped talking himself down so much.

[Monday, 4:20pm] Shit. I should’ve noticed sooner.

[Monday, 4:24pm] **Yeah. I don’t think he’s been fine for a long time now. I told him to try and keep all the bad stuff way down deep, but it’s gone past that now.**

[Monday, 4:27pm] Why the hell did you do that?!

[Monday, 4:30pm] **You were bitching at him for not being a little ray of sunshine, smartass. He was freaking out that you’d leave.**

[Monday, 4:32pm] Oh. Yeah.

[Monday, 4:36pm] **Just call him. Make sure he’s okay.**

[Monday, 4:38pm] Okay. Thanks, Meg.

[Monday, 4:40pm] **You’re welcome.**

 

[Monday, 5:00pm] Hey angel. Can we talk?

[Monday, 5:10pm] _I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. I won’t be very good company._

[Monday, 5:20pm] Look, I’m not gonna lie. Meg told me how you’ve been trying to hide how down you are lately. I know I’m part of why you’ve been doing that. I shouldn’t have asked that of you, so I just wanna talk, okay? Make sure you’re alright.

[Monday, 5:25pm] _You told me I should stop blaming myself. I don’t think I can._

[Monday, 5:28pm] Jesus. I just hated seeing you beat yourself up about shit that isn’t your fault. I didn’t ask you to start hiding things from me.

[Monday, 5:32pm] _Yes, well, I beg to differ. Not least because I have a better idea what is my fault or not._

[Monday, 5:35pm] You didn’t ask for your brother to die, Cas.

[Monday, 5:40pm] _Yes, but it’s my fault that my last memory of Gabriel will be of us arguing and my telling him that I never wanted to speak to him again._

 

*Incoming Call*

“Okay. We’re talking about this.”

_“There isn’t much to talk about.”_

“Hell no. You don’t say something like that, then refuse to talk about it. You know talking it through might help, right?”

_“You’re just being curious, and I don’t appreciate it.”_

“No, Cas, I…”

_“You can admit it. I don’t mind.”_

“...I told you about what happened with Sammy, didn’t I?”

_“A little bit. Why?”_

“Did I tell you about how, when I figured out what he was doing with Ruby, I drove over to his place to try and talk about it? We had one hell of a fight. I told him that he had to choose: Ruby and the drugs, or me. He beat me bloody, Cas. So when I say I wanna talk it through with you, it’s cos I have some idea what it was like for you and want to help, okay?”

_“Dean, I’m sorry. I never realised-”_

“Hey, it’s nothing. All in the past now.”

_“That doesn’t mean that the past doesn’t hurt sometimes.”_

“...Yeah. I get that.”

_“You read the news articles about Gabriel, didn’t you? I’m sure at least one of them mentioned Operation Elysian.”_

“Um, yeah, maybe. Why?”

_“That’s what we fought about. Gabriel told me what he’d done and I got angry.”_

“...If it’s classified, you don’t have to tell me.”

_“To be quite honest, I don’t care. It’s not like you’re likely to make the information public. Even if you did, I wouldn’t mind. It would be better than they deserved, the heartless bastards.”_

“That bad, huh?”

_“Yes....You have to understand, Gabriel’s speciality was undercover work. He knew how to make people like him, charm them so they would do just about anything they asked of him. Perfect for espionage work. That was what made them recruit him into Operation Elysian. A group of agents were planning on infiltrating a group of potential insurgents. Gabriel had done some work for them in the past, so they drafted him in to help provide some military back-up.”_

“I can see where this is going. It was a bloodbath, right?”

_“They weren’t interested in the insurgents. They knew they wouldn’t be able to get them and if they did, they weren’t likely to provide much information under torture. So they went after the families. Some of the women, some of the older men who were too weak to fight properly.”_

“Jesus.”

_“Exactly. Gabriel was there for the interrogations. They got the names they wanted alright, of all the major commanders and the basic power structure. Then when they were done, they sent a ransom demand to Iblis. Trade a few of our men who were captured for the people they’d taken. The terrorists didn’t accept. You can guess the rest.”_

“No wonder they killed him...Crap, sorry. That was a dickish thing to say.”

_“No, it’s the truth. Sometimes, I wonder what we’re fighting for. Yes, the terrorists are bad. But if we hurt so many innocent people trying to stop them, you have to wonder if it’s all worth it.”_

“Why’d you think I ditched after basic training?”

_“You had more common sense there than me, I think.”_

“...Look. It wasn’t Gabriel’s fault. Only acting on orders and all that crap. The way you talk about him, I don’t think he was a bad person. But still...didn’t he even ask what the damn mission was first?”

_“I said the same thing. He told me that they’d only informed him of the plan when it was too late to back out. I was too angry to believe him. Now, I don’t suppose I’ll ever know.”_

“He has to know you were just pissed off. Doesn’t mean you meant every word you said. Heat of the moment, and all that crap.”

_“I hope so. As soon as I’d said it, I’d regretted it. But then it was too late. He was redeployed and I was stuck home with my injuries. I should have been out there with him. I was in his unit. If I’d been there on that patrol, maybe he wouldn’t have…The worst thing is, he was wanting to get out. I didn’t know, until they released his personal belongings. I knew he wanted to leave, eventually. I just didn’t know it was that soon. He’d signed a lease for a new apartment and everything. He just hadn’t told any of us. Maybe...maybe he was just as angry about it all as I was. Leaving was going to be his way of dealing with it.”_

“Sounds like it to me too. This isn’t on you, though, Cas. You can’t know for sure that being there would’ve made any difference. Hell, if you were there, you could’ve been taken prisoner too. We would never have met either. Wow. That’s a scary thought.”

_“I can’t imagine never having met you.”_

“Me neither. Seriously, though. What’re you gonna do about this? Keeping it on the down-low hasn’t been helping you. I should’ve noticed how weird you’ve been acting lately sooner.”

_“I don’t know.”_

“We can figure it out.”

_“We?”_

“Well, yeah. We’re together, aren’t we? Besides, I love you. I’m not gonna just ditch on you and make you go through this alone.”

_“...You’re very sweet, Dean. That means a lot, really.”_

“It’s nothing. Hey, wait a second. I’ve thought of something.”

_“What is it?”_

“I just need to ask Sammy something. I’ll get back to you, okay?”

_“I can wait.”_

“Talk later, Cas.”

_“Yes. I’ll speak to you later. Love you, Dean.”_

“Love you too, Cas.”

*Call disconnected*

 

[Monday, 7:30pm] Hey, when you were still getting over all that crap with Ruby, you went and got some therapy, didn’t you?

[Monday, 7:35pm] Um, yeah? Why?

[Monday, 7:38pm] Cas. Stuff’s bad with him. Seriously bad.

[Monday, 7:43pm] You think he should go see someone? Have you talked to him about this yet? ‘Cause no offence, a lot of people freak out about the idea. Bad mental health doesn’t exactly have the best reputation.

[Monday, 7:46pm] I said I’d got an idea to try and help him. Not gonna force him into anything, though. I’m not a complete dick. Just giving him an idea of some stuff that could help.

[Monday, 7:50pm] I thought you didn’t really believe this kind of stuff worked, anyways.

[Monday, 7:52pm] Yeah, well, stuff happens.

[Monday, 7:58pm] The woman I went to see was really great. She just listened and talking through stuff helped a lot. I’ll send you her details to give to Cas. She’s called Missouri Mosely. If it’d help, you can give him my number too. Then if he’s having a bad day, he’s always welcome to come over to mine.

[Monday, 8:00pm] Seriously?

[Monday, 8:03pm] Hey, he’s your boyfriend. I want an excuse to meet him. And if that’d help him too, that’s just a bonus.

[Monday, 8:06pm] Thanks, Sammy.

[Monday, 8:09pm] It’s no trouble. Come visit soon, okay?

[Monday, 8:12pm] Yeah, okay. Talk soon.

 

[Monday, 8:17pm] Sam knows someone you could go and see. If you want help.

[Monday, 8:20pm] _I don’t really have any choice in this, do I?_

[Monday, 8:23pm] Yeah, you do. I’m not gonna force you into anything you don’t want to do.

[Monday, 8:25pm] _But you think I should consider it._

[Monday, 8:29pm] Well, yeah. I’m kind of a hypocrite for saying this, cos I know I’d never do anything like that, but I think it might help you. If things really are that bad, I mean.

[Monday, 8:35pm] _I’ll consider it._

[Monday, 8:39pm] Thanks, man. Oh, and Sam wants me to give you his number too. Just in case you want to talk through stuff. I think he just wants to snoop on what you’re like.

[Monday, 8:43pm] _Whatever his intentions, that’s very kind of him. I’ll be sure to message him._

[Monday, 8:46pm] You don’t have to.

[Monday, 8:48pm] _He’s your brother and you care about him. I want to._

 

**Tuesday, 28th October**

[Tuesday, 12:30pm] Tell me about Gabriel.

[Tuesday, 12:33pm] _Why does it matter? He’s dead now._

[Tuesday, 12:37pm] Yeah, but he was important to you. I kinda want to know more about him. Plus, I’m guessing the rest of your family aren’t exactly eager to exchange stories.

[Tuesday, 12:40pm] _True._

[Tuesday, 12:43pm] You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to.

[Tuesday, 12:47pm] _No, it’s alright. It’s hard to know where to begin, though. Gabriel was a hard person to get a read on. I’m still not sure just how well I actually knew him, in the end._

[Tuesday, 12:50pm] You guys were close, though, when you were kids. I remember you telling me about how he used to prank you.

[Tuesday, 12:55pm] _Yes, Gabriel was always a keen prankster. We had to be on our guard all the time, in case he tricked us. He was never very skilled at getting away with his crimes, though. He liked candy too much so there would always be at least one candy wrapper left at the scene of the crime if he was involved. He was so good at talking his way out of trouble, though, that it didn’t really matter._

[Tuesday, 12:58pm] Heh. Sounds like a fun guy. I bet I’d have liked him.

[Tuesday, 1:04pm] _I think you two would have either been great friends or hated each other’s guts. Gabriel had a habit of knowing just what to say to wind someone up for his own amusement, and I’m not sure you would have found it quite so entertaining._

[Tuesday, 1:06pm] Okay, that’s slightly more douche-y.

[Tuesday, 1:10pm] _He was kind when it counted._

[Tuesday, 1:14pm] You still miss him.

[Tuesday, 1:17pm] _I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing him. Is it always like this, when someone you love dies?_

[Tuesday, 1:20pm] Yeah. It is.

[Tuesday, 1:25pm] _How do you get through it?_

[Tuesday, 1:30pm] I don’t talk about this stuff.

[Tuesday, 1:34pm] _I wish you would. Not only because I think it would let me get to know you better, but because it might help you too._

[Tuesday, 1:45pm] When Mom died, I was only four. Too young to really know much, except that she wasn’t there any more. Worse part there is forgetting what time we did get together. I remember the important stuff, though, which is what counts, I guess. With Dad, it was different. We’d not been speaking for several months before he kicked the bucket.

[Tuesday, 1:49pm] _Regret is an awful thing._

[Tuesday, 1:53pm] Yeah, it is. Don’t regret what I did, though. Just wish he’d not been such a stubborn bastard and accepted it.

[Tuesday, 1:56pm] _I suppose sometimes, it’s hard for our parents to let go of the hopes they have for us._

[Tuesday, 2:00pm] Or he was a homophobic jerk. But yeah. You know, I idolised the guy growing up. Too bad I could never measure up to his standards.

[Tuesday, 2:05pm] _For what it’s worth, I think your family would have every reason to be proud of you if they were still here._

 

[Tuesday, 8:00pm] _Is this Sam Winchester?_

[Tuesday, 8:05pm] Yeah. Whose number is this?

[Tuesday, 8:09pm] _It’s Castiel. Dean gave me your details. Forgive me for checking. I don’t have the best record when it comes to wrong numbers._

[Tuesday, 8:13pm] Heh. Hey Cas. It’s great to speak to you at last. Not that I’m complaining about your habit of dialling wrong numbers, though. Dean’s been a lot happier since you two started hanging out.

[Tuesday, 8:15pm] _Really?_

[Tuesday, 8:18pm] Yeah. He might like acting as though he’s allergic to feelings, but he’s a big teddy bear underneath it all.

[Tuesday, 8:21pm] _Given that he sent me flowers, I might have had my suspicions on that point :P_

[Tuesday, 8:24pm] Dean won’t be pleased that we’re gossiping about him.

[Tuesday, 8:29pm] _I’m sure you two have been doing the same about me. Besides, I’m sure you’ll welcome the opportunity to get some blackmail material to use against him._

[Tuesday, 8:32pm] Yeah, well, I’m not going to say no to that :P Dean told me about some of what’s going on with you at the minute. Hope you don’t mind.

[Tuesday, 8:35pm] _I had guessed as much. I’ve been thinking about what he had to say, actually. I want your advice._

[Tuesday, 8:38pm] Yeah, sure. Whatever I can do to help.

[Tuesday, 8:42pm] _Did it help? Therapy, I mean._

[Tuesday, 8:48pm] Yeah, it helped. It got my head in order again. Talking through stuff and knowing this is something that can be controlled helps more than you think. Besides, Missouri’s great. She won’t put up with any shit. Knows just what to say to make sure you always keep fighting, too.

[Tuesday, 8:52pm] _I’m sorry for asking. I was always brought up to think that any depressing situation could be dealt with by simply fighting on._

[Tuesday, 8:57pm] Most people think that way. Truth is, sometimes it’s okay to ask someone else for help or to go on meds. You reach a point where things are so crappy, that it’s not worth forcing yourself to make it alone, you know?

[Tuesday, 9:00pm] _Only too well. Thank you, Sam._

[Tuesday, 9:10pm] Hey, I know you don’t really know me, but if you ever want to meet up and talk, that’d be cool.

[Tuesday, 9:13pm] _I think I would like that too. I want to get to know you better. Not just because you’re Dean’s brother, either. You seem like a good person. Especially the way Dean describes you. You obviously mean a lot to him._

[Tuesday, 9:15pm] You really think so?

[Tuesday, 9:18pm] _Yes, I do. Just because someone doesn’t always say how they feel, that doesn’t negate what they’re feeling. Yes, he worries about you a lot, but that only shows how much he cares._

[Tuesday, 9:25pm] Thanks, Cas. See you round then, I guess.

[Tuesday, 9:27pm] _I look forward to it._

 

**Wednesday, 29th October**

[Wednesday, 6:15pm] _I’m going to speak to someone. It’s all fixed up now. My first appointment is tomorrow. I thought you would want to know._

[Wednesday, 6:18pm] Yeah, I was wondering about that. Thanks for telling me, Cas. That’s really great news!

[Wednesday, 6:22pm] _I must confess to being a bit nervous._

[Wednesday, 6:26pm] Hey, you’ll be fine. Can’t be that bad, right?

[Wednesday, 6:29pm] _It involves talking to people. So yes, it is that bad._

[Wednesday, 6:32pm] You talk to me.

[Wednesday, 6:35pm] _You’re different._

[Wednesday, 6:38pm] Not at first, though. I know you found me irritating. Bet you regret answering my messages now :P

[Wednesday, 6:41pm] _I wasn’t in a particularly great place then. Forgive me for being out of sorts. Besides, you didn’t irritate me that much, or I wouldn’t have replied. You intrigued me._

[Wednesday, 6:44pm] Huh. Really? Why?

[Wednesday, 6:47pm] _I suppose the fact that you kept messaging me, even though I was on the point of being openly hostile towards you, was a factor. No one had ever been that desperate for my company before. Besides, I was a little bored. Waiting to be redeployed, waiting for news on Gabriel. I needed a distraction._

[Wednesday, 6:50pm] Nice to know I was that interesting :P

[Wednesday, 6:52pm] _You’ve never been anything but interesting._

 

**Thursday, 31st October**

[Thursday, 6:00pm] So, how’d it go?

[Thursday, 6:15pm] _I’m not sure. I’m still trying to process it all._

[Thursday, 6:18pm] That bad, huh?

[Thursday, 6:22pm] _No. I mean, Missouri’s nice. She gives good advice. There are some mental exercises I can do, when it all becomes too much._

[Thursday, 6:25pm] Then what’s the problem?

[Thursday, 6:30pm] _She thinks I have depression._

[Thursday, 6:34pm] That makes sense.

[Thursday, 6:38pm] _In retrospect, I should have seen this coming. My constant lethargy. The fact that sometimes, I just wish I could have nothingness, instead of the hurt of having to feel._

[Thursday, 6:42pm] Are you okay?

[Thursday, 6:48pm] _I think so. This isn’t bad news, Dean. If anything, it’s a relief. I have a name for it now. Even if it’s going to be hard to fight against it, I now at least know what I’m dealing with._

[Thursday, 6:50pm] Good to hear you feel that way, man.

[Thursday, 7:00pm] _You don’t mind, do you? That I have depression?_

[Thursday, 7:05pm] Why would I mind? It’s not like it’s your fault. Just makes it easier for me to know how to help you out.

[Thursday, 7:08pm] _Some people do. You didn’t like it before, when I was more open about how my poor my mental health is._

[Thursday, 7:12pm] I was a dick. Look, you’re still my boyfriend and I love you. If knowing it’s depression helps and taking some pills to keep the bad crap away helps, I’m not gonna mess with that. I want to help you through this, Cas. So if you wanna talk to me about something or tell me to leave you alone, that’s cool.

[Thursday, 7:16pm] _For what it’s worth, I’ll also try and be more open about how I’m feeling. Then you’ll know when I’m having one of my bad days._

[Thursday, 7:18pm] Thanks, Cas.

[Thursday, 7:22pm] _I think, in this case, I’m the one who should be thanking you._

 

**Friday, 1st November**

[Friday, 11:00am] **Clarence tells me he’s started getting therapy. I’m guessing you’re responsible for that.**

[Friday, 11:05am] Maybe.

[Friday, 11:08am] **Looks like your seductive charm has a use after all.**

[Friday, 11:11am] You’re just jealous I convinced him into going and not you.

[Friday, 11:14am] **Careful, Dean-o. You really want to fall out with me again?**

[Friday, 11:17am] I dunno. Not like you care much about what I think either way.

[Friday, 11:20am] **Yeah, well, looks like you two lovebirds are going to be together for a while, so I’m just going to have to play nice for a change.**

[Friday, 11:23am] Feeling’s mutual, sweetheart.

[Friday, 11:26am] **Such a charmer.**

[Friday, 11:29am] See, if you didn’t have such a problem with me, I might actually make an effort.

[Friday, 11:32am] **Yeah, and you blew pretty much any chance of our getting along when you asked if me and Clarence were a thing once and forced him to keep how depressed he is under wraps.**

[Friday, 11:36am] Nah, you hated me before that. Besides, I just wanted to understand why you were being so overprotective. He’s not your family or your boyfriend or anything.

[Friday, 11:39am] **Why’s it any of your business?**

[Friday, 11:43am] It isn’t. All I want to figure out is what your problem is or if you’re a selfish ass for fun.

[Friday, 12:00am] **Cas is the only family I’ve got. Just ‘cause we’re not related, that doesn’t stop him from being like a brother to me. Don’t tell me it’s wrong that I want to protect him. It's nothing more than that.**

[Friday, 12:14] No. I get that. More than you’d think. I’m sorry.

[Friday, 12:16pm] **I don’t need your pity.**

[Friday, 12:19pm] Jesus, Meg. I’m not pitying you. Just trying to not be a dick here. I made stupid assumptions and read things wrong. No wonder you were pissed at me.

[Friday, 12:25pm] **Yeah, well, you’re not the first. Gotta love heteronormative society. Everyone thought me and Cas were a couple, before I started dating Abby. Some people still think it’s a phase I’m going through and that we’ll still end up hooking up. No point correcting them. I’m not outing Cas. Besides, the two of us have a laugh about it most of the time.**

[Friday, 12:30pm] Hey, you free on Saturday?

[Friday, 12:35pm] **What?**

[Friday, 12:38pm] Me and some of my buddies are meeting at the Roadhouse. It’s a pretty cool bar, I bet you’d like it. Hey, you can even bring your girlfriend too.

[Friday, 12:42pm] **You want to hang out with me. Why?**

[Friday, 12:46pm] Someone out of the two of us has to make the effort to be friends here. You mean a lot to Cas, after all. About time I found out why. You seem cool and we both have good taste in friends, so why not?

[Friday, 12:48pm] **I’ll think about it.**

[Friday, 12:50pm] You do that.

 

**Sunday, 3rd November**

[Sunday, 9:00am] _I think I need to stop lying to my parents._

[Sunday, 9:30am] **What’d you mean?**

[Sunday, 9:37am] _I’ve been thinking a lot, since my meeting with Missouri. Some of it is just my disposition and the current situation, but I haven’t been doing myself many favours either. I’ve been too worried about my family disapproving of me that I haven’t been doing things that I want to._

[Sunday, 9:42am] **Coming out’s a big thing, Clarence. You’ll have to put up with a load of crap. You’ve heard all the shit people give me. Don’t think it’d be any different for you.**

[Sunday, 9:48am] _I know. Even so, I’m with Dean now. That makes a difference. I don’t want to hide that from the people I care about, just because I’m afraid of any potential judgement. As it is, I’m in the military largely because of my family’s wishes. I don’t see why I should censor my private life as well._

[Sunday, 9:50am] **I thought you liked your job.**

[Sunday, 9:54am] _I used to. Lately, it seems that all it does is cost me the people I care about. I’m not sure I’m cut out for dealing with some of the sacrifices I have to make in order to fit with the army’s greater plan._

[Sunday, 10:00am] **You need to start doing what you want, Cas. I’m not going to tell you what needs to happen. It’s your life, not mine.**

[Sunday, 10:03am] _You’ve always been much better at that than me._

[Sunday, 10:10am] **Yeah. Still need you to stop me from doing dumb shit, though. Don’t think I ever thanked you properly, for how you helped after my folks passed. Things would’ve been a lot worse if you hadn’t been my guardian angel back then.**

[Sunday, 10:15pm] _You’ve more than repaid the favour. You’re a good friend. One of the best._

[Sunday, 10:20pm] **Now you’re just trying to embarrass me.**

[Sunday, 10:23pm] _Partly. But it’s true too._

[Sunday, 10:31am] **You and Dean should double-date with Abbey and me sometime. We gatecrashed some party your boyfriend was having, and it was a laugh. You would have loved it.**

[Sunday, 10:28am] _I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. Your girlfriend is terrifying. It’s easier my being happy for you from a distance :P Besides, I don’t do well at parties._

[Sunday, 10:30am] **Dean and I will train you out of that.**

[Sunday, 10:33am] _I’m glad you two are getting along now._

[Sunday, 10:36am] **What can I say? We both just have good taste in friends ;)**

[Sunday, 10:39am] _I take it back. The two of you are going to have far too much fun snarking at me, now you’re getting along._

[Sunday, 10:44am] **Seriously, though, Cas. He’s good for you. You’re getting stuff in your life sorted out now and I know Dean’s part of the reason why.**

[Sunday, 10:46am] _You helped too._

[Sunday, 10:48am] **Not that much. It was nothing.**

[Sunday, 10:51am] _Still, I always appreciate your advice._

[Sunday, 10:54am] **Are you going to do it, then? Come out?**

[Sunday, 10:57am] _Yes. I think so. Amongst other things. My life isn’t my parents’ to control._

[Sunday, 11:00am] **If they give you hassle, they’re douchebags. Besides, all your friends that matter will be cool with it.**

[Sunday, 11:03am] _Thanks, Meg. I’ll let you know how it goes._

[Sunday, 11:06am] **You’re welcome, Clarence.**

 

**Monday, 4th November**

[Monday, 12:30pm] _I’ve decided to leave the army._

[Monday, 12:32pm] What? Seriously?

[Monday, 12:35pm] _I handed in my notice this morning. What with my father’s connections, I should get my honourable discharge in the next few days._

[Monday, 12:38pm] Wow. No offence, angel, but I never thought you’d actually go ahead and do it.

[Monday, 12:42pm] _It was about time. I have enough sleepless nights as it is, without adding any more to my nightmares. I think leaving all that behind me will help._

[Monday, 12:46pm] Bet your parents are going to be thrilled.

[Monday, 12:50pm] _They’re not going to be happy. But I don’t think I care, particularly. I can’t keep caring so much about making others proud of me. I need to take care of myself and my own needs first. Otherwise, I’m simply going to be left with a load of regrets and little that I can say is my own in my life._

[Monday, 12:54pm] Good to hear it, man. Guess I didn’t help much with that, did I?

[Monday, 12:56pm] _You have done more than enough. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be getting help now._

[Monday, 12:59pm] Still, took me long enough to realise there was something wrong in the first place. I shove things under and ignore them, so I just assume everyone else does that too. I guess I need to get better at talking to people about the crap that bothers me, don’t I?

[Monday, 1:03pm] _I think you’d be better for it, yes. You are improving a lot on that side of things, though, and it has not gone unappreciated by me._

[Monday, 1:10pm] Sammy wants me to go see someone, talk it all out. He’s been asking for a while now. Thinking about some of the stuff you said, well, maybe I’m not as good as I’d like to make out either.

[Monday, 1:13pm] _And you’re considering it?_

[Monday, 1:17pm] Yeah, I guess. It might help with stuff. Finally manage to put some of the crap with Dad behind me, for a change.

[Monday, 1:20pm] _Whatever you decide, I’ll support your choice._

[Monday, 1:24pm] What’d you think though? Should I go see some shrink? Not gonna lie, the idea kinda freaks me out.

[Monday, 1:28pm] _If my sessions with Missouri are anything to go by, yes, I think you should. You burden yourself with too much guilt and pain, Dean. Talking to someone about it might help you let some of that pain go._

[Monday, 1:32pm] So, what’re you gonna do now?

[Monday, 1:36pm] _I don’t know. That’s the beauty of it, I suppose. Not knowing._

[Monday, 1:39pm] C’mon, you must have some ideas.

[Monday, 1:42pm] _Becoming a recluse sounds like a nice prospect. Rent a deserted cabin in the middle of nowhere, rent a few beehives, appreciate nature._

[Monday, 1:46pm] Beekeeping? I don’t know if you’re joking or not now, sweetheart.

[Monday, 1:49pm] _I like bees. They have a purpose and order that is very pleasing to watch._

[Monday, 1:52pm] Long as I’m allowed to come and join my sexy beekeeper boyfriend, I’d have no problem with that ;)

[Monday, 1:55pm] _You’d hate being in the middle of nowhere._

[Monday, 1:58pm] I’d get used to it. Besides, I can think of some things we could do to occupy our time ;)

[Monday, 2:03pm] _I like the idea of having a new start with you, I have to admit._

[Monday, 2:07pm] Well, maybe we can figure out what we want to do together. I’ve always wanted to travel. We could hit the road together, see the country. Avoid responsibilities for a bit.

[Monday, 2:10pm] _You’ve got the garage to look after._

[Monday, 2:13pm] Bobby can manage without me. It’s not like I’ve ever taken much holiday before. Hell, it just means Jo’ll get to do more work with the classic cars. I bet she’ll love that.

[Monday, 2:16pm] _We’re doing this, then?_

[Monday, 2:18pm] Only if you want to.

[Monday, 2:22pm] _Do you even have to ask? Yes. Of course I want to._


	9. Epilogue

They’d agreed to meet in San Francisco. Dean had wanted to see his brother, and the timing of the trip meant that they could spend Christmas together. As for Castiel, he was eager to show Dean around the city that had begun to feel like a home to him. They hadn’t decided what was going to happen after their road trip, but Castiel did secretly hope that he could convince Dean to at least spend more time in San Francisco. He didn’t think it would be too difficult, not least because the idea of living close to Sam would undoubtedly appeal to Dean. He would have plenty of time to convince him on their road trip, at least. One whole month of trekking across the country, taking some time out from the rigours of real life. One month to get to know each other better and deepen their relationship.

 

While he didn’t want to admit it to himself, Castiel was a little nervous about that. Yes, him and Dean did have a good relationship. But texting each other and trying to make things work at a distance was very different to actually dating in person. Doubly so, when they were going to be in close confines for several weeks. Plenty of time for Dean to realise that he didn’t want to be with Castiel anymore. He hadn’t even seen what Castiel looked like yet. Castiel had suggested sharing photos, but Dean had shrugged him off. Something about how romantic it would be to finally see each other properly on their first meeting. It was adorable really, how romantic Dean could be despite his protests to the contrary. Castiel’s lips quirked in a smile at the mere thought before the usual worries returned. What if Dean didn’t like what Castiel looked like? What if he took one look at him and walked away, because he wasn’t good enough for Dean? Because he’d never been good enough for Dean, not really, not when- No. He had to try and dismiss such ideas. Everything would be fine. It had to be. The two of them would work out. Castiel was just dwelling on idle fears again. It was nothing too seriously worry about. If Dean cared that much about his looks, the two of them wouldn’t have gone this long without seeing each other’s faces.

 

Castiel had been getting better at avoiding such negative thoughts, though. His sessions with Missouri had helped him a great deal. Even just talking to someone about what was bothering him was a help. Especially when in the Novak household, the word “depressed” was practically a swear-word. His mother in particular hadn’t taken the news well, all too eager to label Castiel’s lethargy as grief rather than a genuine mental health complaint. When she’d finally realised that his depression was real and not something that could be shied away from, that hadn’t been much better. She’d started asking him if he was better yet, as though depression was something that could simply be shrugged off and cast aside any time he felt like it. As though he was somehow to blame for the apathy that consumed him, on his bad days.

 

Dean and Castiel were still visiting Pontiac on their trip, though. Castiel felt as though Dean should be introduced to his parents. Besides, while they hadn’t been openly hostile towards the revelation that Castiel was gay,  the Novaks had been sufficiently uncertain that perhaps meeting Dean in person might help ease their concerns. Hopefully his charm could win them over. Anna, on the other hand, had become a great source of comfort for him. He had missed her all those years and it had been nice, taking the time to get to know her again. It had been awkward at first, unsurprisingly. Too much had happened for both of them to simply pick up where they’d left off. As when they were children, it was movies that proved the easiest way of getting back some of that old easy intimacy that they’d once had. Films were a way to talk about what had happened, without ever actually doing so. Now, things were much easier between them and Castiel was looking forward to seeing his sister again. That was another stop on Castiel and Dean’s roadtrip, calling in to see Anna and her family in Portland. Castiel was looking forward to introducing Dean to her, not to mention his having the opportunity to get to know her husband Inias better. Especially as she was the only sibling Dean would get to meet in person, since Gabriel...

 

That was something that was less painful now as well, thinking about Gabriel. It had taken a while. Partly because of Castiel’s own guilt. Partly, though, there had been the need to forgive his brother. It felt wrong, somehow, to still be resentful towards Gabriel. He’d died in the service of his country, after all, but more importantly, he was still Castiel’s big brother. The one who’d taught him to read, when his parents were too busy to; who’d made up increasingly ridiculous stories to amuse his younger siblings when they were having a bad day; the first person who Castiel had properly come out to, who’d sat and listened while Castiel fretted about what their parents would say if they found out before knowing just the right words to say to comfort him. All the same, Castiel’s good memories of his larger than life brother were all too often overwhelmed by thoughts of that last conversation, of Gabriel’s confession. It still hurt to think on Gabriel’s grief-stricken face, eyes wet with tears as he thought back on what had happened during that fateful mission. Gabriel might be a soldier, but he was very compassionate too, much as he liked trying to hide his feelings behind snark and pranks. That was one of the things that had angered Castiel most, on their last meeting. Gabriel’s absolute refusal to admit just how deeply he was disturbed by what had happened. Because he had to have regretted his actions, hadn’t he?

 

Sometimes, he wondered if Gabriel had ever forgiven him for that particular argument. Castiel hoped he had, but it wasn’t as if there was any way to know for certain. That was the worst part about someone dying, in a way. All the loose threads and regrets they left behind them. It was time now for Castiel to put some of those to rest.

 

Him and Dean had arranged to meet at Battery Point. It seemed like a good choice: what with the beautiful view over the Golden Gate Bridge, it was a suitably romantic setting for their first proper meeting. Castiel had another purpose in mind too, though, when he’d chosen it. It only felt right to gain closure on the past, just as a brand new future was appearing.

 

Gabriel’s funeral hadn’t felt right. The staid suits and slow processional music had been so at odds with his brother’s personality, Castiel didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. The speeches too had been all wrong. Gabriel had been more than just some nameless, faceless soldier who’d died for his country. Why only focus on that in the eulogies? He knew why, of course. It was less painful. But that didn’t mean that should be the only memorial his brother got.

 

Gabriel’s possessions had been divided up amongst the Novak family, once the funeral was over. True to form, Gabriel hadn’t followed army regulations and set out a proper will, just left some vague instructions about how his family should have all his possessions. For all his charisma, Gabriel could be very private about his own wishes. The only definite part of the testament had been for Castiel to have all his medals. Castiel’s parents hadn’t been overly happy about that either, but had grudgingly complied. Gabriel probably knew how, if he’d left his medals back with his parents in Pontiac, he’d become reduced to the gallant soldier who had died so tragically in battle.

 

Castiel wandered down the coastal path to Kirby Cove, smiling a little at how tranquil everything was. He was the only person on the beach, the only sound the lapping of water against the sand. Perfect for a funeral. He pulled Gabriel’s medals out of his pocket: the Distinguished Service Cross; his ribbons for foreign service and his unit awards; the Purple Heart and Prisoner of War medal, of course, both posthumous. The dogtags he kept, placing them underneath his shirt to rest alongside his own. Next, he found some driftwood, tieing it all together with twine to form a little raft. For a moment, he was plunged back into the past, memories of summers spent on the beach and of older, cleverer fingers showing him how to construct increasingly impressive objects out of junk left on the beach. He could almost hear his brother’s soft voice in his ear:

_See, kiddo, it’s easy when you’ve had some practice. You can’t expect to be an expert on your first go._

Gabriel had taught him and Anna how to whittle too. Castiel still had a battered little fish that he’d carved, his first completed project. Gabriel had acted suitably impressed, clapping him on the shoulder and congratulating him, even though it was clumsily done, nothing really compared to the beauty Anna had managed to carve out of her own piece of driftwood. Looking back, that was probably what had led to Anna’s artistic side, although she’d been more into painting, beautiful watercolours covering the walls of her room as she was growing up. Castiel couldn’t help but wonder if she still painted, frowning in concentration as she made a world come alive with her brush.

 

Carefully, he arranged the medals in the makeshift barge before pulling out the lighter he’d requisitioned for that very purpose, setting the wood alight with a quick flick of the switch. It seemed appropriate, this Viking-style of laying his brother’s ghost to rest. Gabriel always had loved myths. The Norse ones had been his favourites and he loved to retell them, sometimes inserting himself and his siblings into the stories. Cas and Anna’s roles always changed, but Gabriel’s part stayed the same: Loki, king of tricksters. It suited him far too well and he’d made the stories so much his own that Castiel couldn’t be sure what parts of the sagas were from the myths and what parts Gabriel had made up.

 

As the little boat sailed out to sea, flame flickering in the wind, Castiel smiled sadly.

“Goodbye, brother.” He murmured. “I’ll miss you.”

It was like a weight had lifted from his shoulders. Not much of one, admittedly, but there was a definite sense of relief. He had closure now. He’d done what little he could for his brother and now...now he had to forget all those regrets and might-have beens. Now he had to focus on the future.

 

He stumbled up the rocky path to the main viewpoint over the Golden Gate Bridge, Battery Point, combing his hair back nervously as he took in the view. He tried to resist the urge to pace: he didn’t want to look too nervous, in case Dean was among the crowd of people at the viewpoint. He had green eyes, Castiel knew that much, and blonde hair. Not much of a description to go on, really. That could apply to several of the people gathered around the viewing post. He tried looking for anyone with the tell-tale signs of nervousness. Nothing. Castiel checked his watch, trying to ignore how he felt sick to his stomach. It was twelve o’clock exactly, the time him and Dean had agreed to meet. It would be foolish to worry that he wasn’t going to show up yet, wouldn’t it?

 

Five minutes passed. Then ten. Castiel began checking his watch with ever-increasing frequency, his nerves only increasing with every minute. He wasn’t going to show up. If he was, he would be here by now. Dean wouldn’t, couldn’t have left it this long. He had to have known what kind of signal this would send. No matter. There was no use waiting any longer.

 

Castiel started to walk slowly away from the viewing point after a half hour had passed, back towards his car with only the prospect of an empty apartment to return to. Maybe he was freaking out too much. Missouri had warned him that he needed to control how irrational his anxiety could be at times. Still, if this was the end, at least Dean had let him down gently. No point seeing him and having the hope of what could have been, before it was brutally crushed.

“Hey, wait a second.” A voice called after him, gruff and insistent. Probably some tourist wanting him to take a photo for him. Like Castiel cared about that now. He kept walking, ignoring the hint of familiarity in the man’s tone.

“Wait!” The man called again. “Cas. Wait. Please.”

Cas. Castiel stopped, heart thudding in his chest. It couldn’t be...But it was so late...Why didn’t he show up sooner?

“Sammy misjudged the distance and we got caught in traffic. Bet you’d just given up on us about now. Don’t worry, he’s not here. I told him to give us some privacy so he’s lurking over by the car. Dork.” The voice, Dean’s voice, continued, full of affection.

“It’s alright.” Castiel murmured, turning round to face him. “The roads here can be very unforgiving at times. I’ve often been-” He broke off, staring at the man in front of him.

Dean was beautiful. There was no other way of putting it. Castiel didn’t think he’d ever seen anyone with eyes that green before and the sunlight glinting on Dean’s hair made it look almost golden. His easy-going grin was enough to quell the last of Castiel’s nerves. Dean was here. More than that, he was happy to see him.

“Not what you expected, huh?” Dean laughed softly. “You aren’t either. I mean, I guessed it was you. You’re the only person here who looked as nervous as I felt. Still, wasn’t expecting to have ended up with a boyfriend as hot as you.”

Castiel blushed deeply, scuffing the floor a little with his feet. “Hello, Dean.” He murmured. “It’s good to meet you at last. I wasn’t sure you were going to make it.”

“‘Course I made it. Wasn’t gonna miss seeing you, angel.” Dean’s smile widened, making Castiel feel a little weak at the knees.

“Either way, I’m glad.” Daringly, Castiel tilted his head up to press a soft kiss to Dean’s cheek, laughing a little as the other man blushed in embarrassment. “It’s about time we had our first date, isn’t it?”

“Worth the wait, though.” Dean slid a hand around Castiel’s waist.

“Yes. You were definitely worth the wait.”

 


End file.
